Saturday, August 24, 2013

A Blog is Born!: The Debut of "All Jets Ablaze!"

Jeez, this blog is lookin' mighty dusty. 'Fraid I just haven't had much to say or put out here -- I suppose I could throw up a Man of Steel review at the least. I also do plan to continue my Annotated Cinematic Batman series with the Christopher Nolan trilogy, it's just that those movies are so dense and take so much more from the comics that they are a much more intense writing project to embark upon.

However, joining my Golden Age Batman review blog Bat to the Beginning, I am pleased to announce a brand new comics review blog -- All Jets Ablaze!
 

Yes this new review blog will focus on the adventures of IRON MAN, starting from the character's debut in 1963 in the pages of Tales of Suspense! I'm pretty excited about it, so I hope you will be too.

Also, some improvements on the homefront -- so that you can see my other blogs more easily, I've added links to them in the sidebar! Now the whole Ben Rowe blog family is conveniently accessible! Hooray!

Updates and reviews soon, I promise. All three of you reading this. 

Sunday, May 19, 2013

The Annotated Cinematic Batman: BATMAN (1966, Leslie H. Martinson)

Writer: Lorenzo Semple, Jr.
Producer: William Dozier
Director: Leslie H. Martinson
Batman: Adam West

Time indexes refer to the 2008 Special Edition NTSC Region 1 DVD of the film.

00:00:00 -- So, any talk of this film is impossible without a brief discussion of the television series it spawned from. The story starts in 1965, when the 1943 BATMAN serial was re-released. Hugh Hefner started showing the serial at the Playboy Mansion for laughs, where the cheap production values, over-serious narrator and ludicrous cliffhangers got big laughs. Inspired, an ABC executive at one of the parties thought that a campy Batman series in the style of the old serials might just work as television, perhaps recapturing the success of the 1952-58 ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN series on the same network. Producer William Dozier was hired to create the series, but there was one problem: Dozier hated comics. Given a stack of current Batman issues from the "New Look" Batman team of artist Carmine Infantino and editor Julie Schwartz, Dozier decided they were ridiculous and silly and that the only way to do Batman was as a campy parody. The show was designed to work on two levels: comedy for adults and action adventure for children. Originally the plan was for the movie to be produced first, introducing audiences to the characters and allowing the production studio to write off the large expense of creating the sets, props, costumes, etc. to the movie. However, ABC's 1965 season was in a lot of trouble, and so Batman was rushed into production to debut as a "mid-season replacement" on January 12, 1966. The show aired twice a week, Wednesdays and Thursdays, two half-hour segments featuring a ludicrous cliffhanger to cap off night one. The first episode was an adaptation of Batman #171 (May, 1965) and the first season ended up adapting many Silver Age Batman comics of the day. The show was a monster smash, a top ten ratings hit, and a culture sensation, making Batman (whose books had been on the verge on cancellation in 1963), DC's premiere character once more. Batmania had begun. The planned movie was soon greenlit to be shot and premiere during the break between season one and two, to take maximum advantage of the craze.

00:00:05 -- The movie and series were produced by 20th Century Fox. The series aired on ABC, which is now owned by Disney which also owns Marvel Comics. The Batman character is owned by DC Entertainment which is owned by Warner Bros. This tangled mess is why only the movie has so far seen a DVD release, although with DC finally gaining the rights to produce merchandise based on the old show again, perhaps a settlement isn't far
off?

00:00:48 -- To all Batman fans who take themselves too seriously: this movie is a comedy. And it's funny. Unclench and enjoy yourself.

00:00:55 -- I still think these opening credits are awesome. Bizarrely moody for the light-hearted daytime romp about to follow, but still awesome.

00:01:04 -- The BATMAN series turned Adam West (real name William Anderson) into a star overnight, although he was never able to shake the role, experiencing a fate similar to William Shatner on STAR TREK. West had to fight Lyle Waggoner for the part and it was his dry delivery and sense of comic timing that won him the role. Waggoner would go on to play love interest Steve Trevor in the 1970s WONDER WOMAN television series. West has returned to the world of Batman several times since. In addition to voicing the character on the 1977 cartoon THE NEW ADVENTURES OF BATMAN, he played a thinly veiled version of himself in an excellent episode of the 1992 BATMAN animated series, voiced the Mayor of Gotham City in the 2004 cartoon THE BATMAN, and voiced Batman's father Thomas Wayne on 2008's BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD.

00:01:14 -- Burt Ward was an absolute nobody before he was cast -- heck, he wasn't even Burt Ward! Berton Gervis Jr. won the role after Dozier auditioned thousands of young actors, and after he was cast he changed his name to Burt Ward (appropriate given his role as Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne's youthful ward). The rocket to superstardom was a tough ride for Ward, who reportedly let it go to his head and became a bit of an ass on set. This attitude was responded to by constant pranks on Ward by the crew.

00:01:21 -- On the series Catwoman was played by Julie Newmar, in a deliciously sexy turn. Newmar decided to wear the belt designed for her costume around her hips rather than her waist, inadvertantly inventing a whole new style. When the series began the character of Catwoman hadn't been seen in the comics since 1954, when concerns that she made crime seem "glamourous" led to her being written out of the series after pressure on DC from congressional inquiries into juvenile delinquency. However the television show wasn't bound by such restrictions and brought her in to inject some sex appeal into the Rogues Gallery. She was so popular on the show, that she was back in the comics by late 1966, her costume redesigned to match the television look (albeit in an ugly green instead of a sexy black). Newmar unfortunately couldn't appear in the movie due to a back injury, and so she was replaced by the equally sexy Lee Meriwether.

00:01:26 -- Cesar Romero claims that he never knew or understood why he was cast as The Joker. Known until that point as a "Latin lover" character actor, Romero relished the part but refused to shave off his trademark moustache. So the make-up guys just smeared white facepaint over it until they figured you couldn't see it anymore.

00:01:31 -- Burgess Meredith brought a certain sarcastic, cynical attitude to the Penguin which has persisted in the character to this day, as well as a trademark laugh which Meredith said came from the cough he developed from smoking the Penguin's cigarettes, as he himself was a non-smoker.

00:01:35 -- Before Batman #171, the issue that inspired the pilot episode, the Riddler had not appeared in the comics since 1948. However comedian and impressionist Frank Gorshin's brilliantly manic performance was so popular that it not only made the Riddler one of the show's most popular villains, but shot the character into a permanent spot in the top tier of Batman's rogues gallery, with many comic book appearances during this period.

00:01:51 -- The famous Batman theme was composed by Neil Hefti, however the actual music for the series, including all the specific leitmotifs for the villains, was composed by Nelson Riddle, who also did the music for the movie. This is why these opening credits don't feature any "Nananananananana Batman!"

00:02:27 -- Lorenzo Semple, Jr. wrote the pilot episode of the series as well as many of the series' first season episodes. He understood better than many of the writers the exact mix of camp comedy vs. adventure thrills that needed to go in each story. As the series went on this balance was lost and the show became more and more outright comedy, which eventually killed it.
Bob Kane, credited here, made tons and tons of dough from the Batman series, thanks to the excellent deal he had made with DC when he created the character back in 1939. This meant he could finally "retire" from working on the comic -- in reality while DC had been paying and crediting Bob with every second issue of Batman since 1964 (and every single issue before that), Kane had been contracting out the work to ghost artists since 1948 or so.

00:02:38 -- Leslie H. Martinson had directed an episode of Batman's first season featuring The Penguin. He wasn't the show's most prolific or talented director by far, so I suppose Dozier picked him probably because his schedule was open.

00:02:43 -- The voice of Batman's narrator, credited as Desmond Doomsday, is actually the voice of producer William Dozier himself! Dozier is doing his best impersonation of the narrator from the 1943 serial, Knox Manning.

00:02:53 -- The house portraying Wayne Manor in the film, and series, is located at 280 South San Rafael Avenue in Pasadena, California. The exterior has been redone, so it doesn't look much the same anymore.

00:02:57 -- Alan Napier was the first actor cast for the series, in the role of Alfred the butler. Alfred first appeared in comics in Batman #16 (April/May 1943), but had been killed off in Detective Comics #328 (June 1964) by Bill Finger and Sheldon Moldoff. This had been done to facillitate the introduction of a new character, Dick Grayson's Aunt Harriet Cooper, who then came to stay with Bruce and Dick (although if Dick had a living aunt this whole time why was custody given to Bruce Wayne after the death of his parents?). Aunt Harriet had been introduced in order to dismiss notions of Bruce and Dick being engaged in a pedophilac homosexual relationship, a criticism which had been levelled at the Batman comics since the early 1950s. However, when the 1966 TV series began, they used both Aunt Harriet (played by Madge Blake) and Alfred as well, because Alfred as played by William Austen had been a big part of the comedy in the 1943 serial. The popularity of Alfred on the show lead to the character being revived in the comics in Detective Comics #356 (October, 1966) -- the method of his resurrection being a long, complicated story. Aunt Harriet, unlike Alfred, did not know Bruce and Dick were really Batman and Robin, and thus there was always the danger of her finding out. So essentially she was an Aunt May rip-off for Batman comics.

00:03:15 -- The Bat-cave entrance via Bat-poles activated by a bust of William Shakespeare is an invention of the series. In the comics of the day, the Bat-cave was accessed by an automatic elevator concealed by a secret wall panel.

00:03:24 -- On the highly formulaic series, each episode would begin with a teaser of a crime being committed, the police calling in the Dynamic Duo, Bruce and Dick going down the Bat-poles, the opening credits, and then them hopping into the Batmobile to race off to police headquarters. How they changed into their costumes from one end of the Bat-poles to the other was a mystery... until now!

00:03:50 -- The footage of Batman and Robin running over to the car, hopping in, exchanging dialogue, blasting out of the cave, and heading onto the highway was shot ONCE for the pilot episode and reused for every subsequent episode AND even this movie! Depending on an episode's pacing needs shots could be added or subtracted from the sequence as needed.

00:03:54 -- The famous Batmobile. The version created for this series may still be the most popular iteration of Batman's ride. The Batmobile itself first appeared in Batman #5 (Spring 1941), while the modern design Batmobile that the series based its version on debuted in Batman #164 (June 1964). The car used on the series was designed and built by George Barris. It's a 1955 Lincoln Futura concept car, repainted and refurbished with all kinds of extra details to make it THE Batmobile. There were three Batmobiles built by Barris -- a hero car for close-ups and detail shots, a stunt car, and a touring car for promotional purposes.

00:03:56 -- The red phone Robin's using here is of course the famous Bat-phone, also known as the hotline. The hotline between Batman and Commissioner Gordon first appeared in Batman #164 as part of a campaign of modernizing the ailing Bat-comics called "The New Look". It was adapted for the series, serving as the primary method of contact between Batman and the police. The idea was of course based on the Moscow-Washinton hotline that had been implemented following the Cuban Missile Crisis.

00:04:20 -- The Bat-copter first appeared in Detective Comics #257 (July, 1958), where it was called the Whirly-Bat because Batman comics from 1954-64 are goddawful. The helicopter seen in the film is a Bell 47 provided by the National Helicopter Service for use in the film. The decorative wings on the sides actually reduced the vehicle's lift power by 50%. The Bat-copter is the first of three new vehicles built for the movie, the added expense paying off when they could be utilized by the television series afterwards.

00:02:41 -- As goofy as they look, the costumes worn by Batman and Robin in this film are pretty damn accurate translations of how the characters appeared in the contemporary comics as drawn by Carmine Infantino and Sheldon Moldoff. The yellow oval around the bat on Batman's chest was added in 1964 when the "New Look" Batman comics were launched, because it made the symbol unique enough to be copyrighted.

00:04:52 -- Writer and Batman co-creator Bill Finger based Gotham City on the seedier side of New York, and comics writers often treat Gotham as a New York analogue, even today. In the Silver Age it was popular to give Gotham several direct New York parallels, like Gotham Village as the trendy hippie area instead of Greenwich Village. This trend continued on the show, which had characters like Mayor Lindseed and often parodied New York through Gotham. But in these Bat-copter sequences Gotham transforms from a bustling New York style metropolis to what is quite clearly Hollywood, Los Angeles.

00:05:01 -- The man waving is contemporary health and fitness superstar Jack LaLanne. The series was a popular place for celebrities to guest star or cameo on, and for it's entire run on the air it was considered quite a feat to get on Batman.

00:05:08 -- In the comics of the time from which the series took its inspiration, Batman and Robin had been declared duly deputized agents of the law by Commissioner Gordon, honourary policemen as it were. This despite the fact that they still wore masks and kept their identities secret. Gordon essentially had legalized vigilantism to get things done in Gotham. By the 1960s this had resulted in a Batman who was more like Sherlock Holmes in a cape and cowl than the dark avenging Shadow knock-off he had started as. Adventures in the daytime had become common in the comic and pretty much rote on the TV series.

00:06:15 -- Everything, absolutely everything, on this show is labelled. It's hilariously awesome.

00:08:09 -- Batman has a long and proud history of fighting sharks that does not begin or end with this movie. It started in Batman #4 (Winter 1941) and continues awesomely to this day.

00:08:26 -- Victory is in the preparation folks. Notice that Batman's got a whole line of Oceanic Repellent Bat Sprays, just in case. Getting Batman out of trouble with some ridiculously specific Bat-gadget was, of course, a hallmark of the show.

00:10:31 -- Police Commissioner Gordon was played by Neil Hamilton, characterized on the show as a well meaning if somewhat ineffective official with great enthusiasm for Batman. His right-hand man, Police Chief O'Hara, was created for the television series and is played by Stafford Repp as a bumbling foolish Irish stereotype.

00:12:13 -- Gordon's secretary Bonnie was one of those "often mentioned, never seen" type of characters.

00:12:27 -- The voice of the police computer is also William Dozier. For some reason the file photos of the "super-criminals" are taken with them in full costume standing in Miss Kitka's appartment (a location we'll see in the film later on) And since Lee Meriwether was late joining the cast, her photo is taken in Wayne Manor's living room!

00:13:43 -- Apophenia - noun. The tendency to see meaningful patterns or connections in random or meaningless data.

00:14:43 -- Of course Catwoman's "real name" is Selina Kyle, as established by writer Bill Finger in Batman #62 (December, 1950), but this series played fast and loose with such things.

00:14:50 -- The "United Underwold" group is pretty much the first villain super-group in DC Comics history, predating the Injustice Gang (1974), Secret Society of Supervillains (1976), Legion of Doom (1978) and Injustice League (1989).

00:15:55 -- Frank Gorshin hated wearing the skintight Riddler costume, which was based on the character's comic book look, so he designed himself this stylin' three-piece suit as an alternate look and it was quickly adopted by the comics themselves because it is awesome.

00:15:15 -- The show was famous for shooting scenes in the villain's lair on an extremely canted, or Dutch, angle to represent the villain's twisted view of the world.

00:15:18 -- Catwoman's cat is named Isis in other media, but here it's Hecate. Isis is the Egyptian mother goddess, whereas Hecate is the Greek goddess of witchcraft.

00:15:35 -- See, New York analogue. Instead of the United Nations Headquarters on the East River we get the United World Headquarters on the Gotham East River.

00:16:38 -- See, they've kidnappped Scmidlapp. Clever writers, or lazy writers? You be the judge.

00:20:30 -- The Batboat is our second new vehicle in the movie. While the Batplane had been given the ability to land on water and convert to a speedboat in Batman #4 (Winter 1941), the first official Batboat appeared in Detective Comics #110 (April 1946) provided to the Dynamic Duo by Scotland Yard to help them catch Professor Moriarty because... comics! The boat used here is a refurbished Glastron V-174, and again was built so it could be reused on the television show. Personally, I wonder how the Dynamic Duo keeps it safe, given that they just leave it moored at this random Gotham City dock...

00:18:41 -- The best thing in this movie: The Penguin's personal custom submarine.

00:24:01 -- Batman's Bat-Magnifying Glass has little bat ears.

00:25:29 -- Wouldn't you just take the belts off?

00:26:05 -- If you're a long-time geek of many interests, you find out quickly that the solution to all tech problems in all franchises is always to reverse the polarity. I have no idea if doing so has ever solved any kind of electrical engineering problem in real life.

00:28:09 -- "The nobility of the almost-human porpoise", the cliffhangers in BATMAN were designed as parodies of those in the 1943 serial. Occasionally Batman gets them out with some ludicrous gadget from his belt, but equally as often the escape is some element of silly blind luck or random chance.

00:29:46 -- BATMAN was designed to be a "hip" TV show, meant to play off the pop art movement of Andy Warhol and especially Roy Lichtenstein. The joke of course is that Batman is so square he doesn't realize how silly it all is, while the villains are more or less who you're supposed to cheer for, as they represent the counter-culture. Still, Batman's the hero and even he's not as square and lame as the ultimate target of any hip member of the flower power generation: the military industrial complex.

00:32:10 -- Didn't we already figure out that the four super-criminals were working together? Why are we figuring it out again?

00:34:24 -- The idea that Bruce Wayne heads any kind of corporate entity actually hadn't been introduced into the comics yet. After the death of Alfred, Bruce founded the Alfred Memorial Foundation for charitable purposes and began to be portrayed in his civilian life as a great philanthropist. As the TV show used a living Alfred they adapted this into the charitable Wayne Foundation, and once Alfred was resurrected in the comics it became the Thomas Wayne Memorial Foundation.

00:37:40 -- "The only possible meaning." Holy Bat-apophenia again!

00:38:56 -- Bruce Wayne drinking milk in a brandy snifter, like a boss.

00:40:42 -- A running gag on the series was that putting a bandit mask, like what Robin wears, on anyone renders them completely unrecognizable. Here we see Alan Napier's Alfred wearing one, and wearing his glasses overtop it!!

00:41:24 -- Gotham City has a Benedict Arnold monument!

00:42:23 -- The Bat-Signal had been introduced in the comics in Detective Comics #60 (February, 1942) by Jack Schiff and Bob Kane, and even after the hotline was introduced it continued to be used alongside it due to it's iconic and dramatic appeal. It appeared very infrequently on the TV show, however, which favoured the hotline. One assumes this might be for cost, but every time it appeared it utilized the same two shots of the cops on the roof with the light, and then the signal itself in a foggy night sky. Hilariously, the bat painted on the light and the bat in the sky are completely different in design. Despite it's spartan use on the show, the Signal was present in a different capacity, as it featured in the end credits sequence of every episode.

00:45:34 -- Some people ask of science "where's my jetpack?" I ask "where is my jetpack umbrella?"

00:45:48 -- The Riddler (who doesn't even get his own umbrella and has to ride shotgun!) has a pair of binoculars with a question mark on them. Of course.

00:46:33 -- Of COURSE Bruce Wayne is an Edgar Allen Poe fan.

00:47:15 -- This has bothered me since I was a kid, but why the hell does Joker wear a bandit mask in this movie? Penguin too! They're known felons with no other identity! It's kind've ridiclous.

00:47:25 -- You may wonder why the show's stylistic tradmark of onomatopeia overlays is missing from this fight, but it was a specific style of the series that they only appeared when Batman and Robin fought in costume.

00:49:41 -- That's right, Adam West's Bruce Wayne is way more hardcore than Christian Bale's. One rule? Screw that!

00:50:34 -- Note that Bruce and "Kitka's" feet are never on the bed at the same time, one person always has at least part of their anatomy hanging off it. The Motion Picture Production Code, or "Hays Code" of 1934-1968 forbid an unmarried couple to share a bed onscreen. Television of the time was even more severe, with even married couples often depicted as sleeing in seperate beds.

00:53:49 -- The sound effect for the spring you just heard may also be familiar to you as the sound of the photon torpedoes from the original STAR TREK series, although it's first use was actually as the sound of one of the Martian weapons in the 1953 film version of WAR OF THE WORLDS.

00:57:30 -- I must point out that the plot of this movie involves the villains stealing a water dehydrating/evaporating device off a boat to use in their evil plot and that this is essentially the same plot as in BATMAN BEGINS with the theft of the microwave emitter.

00:59:49 -- The Bat-walk was a very popular traditional element of the series, often accompanied with a cameo from a celebrity sticking their head out a window and talking to the Dynamic Duo. It was of course easily accomplished by simply placing the camera on it's side and then shooting the actors walking across the stage to give the illusion of them walking vertically.

01:03:06 -- This "running" (aha) gag with the bomb is the film's longest and perhaps best known bit. I couldn't help but think of it during the finale of THE DARK KNIGHT RISES.

01:09:19 -- Speaking of Adam West's hardcore-ness, he and Robin totally killed those henchmen.

01:11:32 -- The Batcycle is our third new vehicle. It makes its first appearance here, having never been featured in the comics before. It's a heavily altered 1965 Harley Davidson with side car for Robin. Another Batcycle would be created in season three for Batgirl, and eventually the vehicle would find its way into the comics, movies and animated series on a regular basis.

01:12:52 -- The idea that Riddler is compelled to give his clues, that he can't NOT leave riddles for Batman to solve, was first explored in Batman #179 (March 1966), beginning a trend of psychologically analyzing Batman's villains which has culminated in the Caped Crusader's rogues gallery often dealing with themes of mental sanity in stories such as ARKHAM ASYLUM.

01:16:05 -- Now is as good a time as any to point out that the henchmen Mr. Bluebeard has a literally blue beard.

01:19:26 -- The Japanese delegate here is played by Teru Shimada, best known to Western audiences as Mr. Osato in the James Bond film YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE.

01:31:29 -- Here are those famous onomatopeia captions. Designed, of course, to emulate the similar letterings in comic book fight scenes, the effect became synonymous with the series and therefore with comic books in general. To this day, almost every mainstream news story about comics incorporates them, much to the chagrin of fans, and I'm pretty sure newspapers have run the same "BAM! POW! ZAP! Comics aren't just for kids anymore" story since the mid-80s. In the first season of the show and in the movie the captions were graphic overlays on the action, an expensive process that was abandoned in the second season in favour of cheaper fullscreen title cards.

01:34:23 -- Julie Newmar would return to the role of Catwoman with the start of the second season. However, Lee Meriwether got a consolation prize with a role as recurring Bruce Wayne love interest Lisa Carson, who once famously invited Bruce up to her apartment for an evening of "milk and cookies".

01:36:41 -- I love that they are wearing latex science gloves OVER their costume's gloves. Also Batman wearing his utility belt over top of his apron.

01:44:24 -- Okay, so we've got two "The End" jokes here. "The living end" was an idiom meaning the utmost in any situation, something really extraordinary. The ellipsis followed by the question mark is an old hokey B-movie ending trick suggesting an open ending with the possibilty for a sequel. There was no theatrical sequel to this film of course, and it only grossed $1.7 million box office on it's $1.5 million budget. But the series returned for a second season, utilizing the new toys from the movie. However, the novelty had worn off. The second season failed to crack the Top Thirty in the ratings. The third season moved to one half-hour episode per week, and introduced the new Batgirl character in an attempt to keep up interest, but ratings continued to drop and BATMAN was canceled at the end of its third season, the final episode airing March 14, 1968. A Filmation produced animated series THE ADVENTURES OF BATMAN continued on CBS Saturday mornings until April 1, 1969. West and Ward would return to the roles in the second Filmation animated series THE NEW ADVENTURES OF BATMAN from in 1977. The series would also gain a spiritual follow-up in the Linda Carter WONDER WOMAN series of 1975-79, which initially also aired on ABC before switching to CBS. The show's campy, lighthearted tone would inform popular mainstream opinions on comic books in general and Batman in particular for years, until Frank Miller's THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS and finally Tim Burton's BATMAN feature cemented the idea of a dark, tortured, angsty Batman in the public imagination. In the comics themselves, the cancellation of the TV show lead to the end of Batmania, and the camp craze was over as quickly as it started. With Bob Kane finally gone and the looming 1970s seeing comics by rival Marvel getting more serious, the Batman comics once again fell into dangerously low sales. They were saved by the coming of writer Denny O'Neil and artist Neal Adams, who replaced the square-jawed, daytime, golly-gee adventures of the Silver Age Batman with a darker take inspired by the original Bat-comics of the 30s. Their interpretation became the definitive Batman for many, inspiring comics writers, the Batman movies including those of Christopher Nolan, and the successful 1992 animated series. However, for many in the baby boom generation the one true Batman is still... Adam West.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdVJWyoncdU

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Star Trek: Nemesis Review

Star Trek: Nemesis 
 

"So, you're a Romulan-aligned villain with a giant black spaceship and a superweapon designed to destroy Earth?"
 

"And at the end of the story your emotionless friend will sacrifice himself to save you from my superweapon, which will explode and destroy me." 
 

"So... was Star Trek XI ripping off us, or Wrath of Khan? Or are we ripping off Wrath of Khan? I'm confused."
 

"Oh man, that's not even the half of it..."
 

"Star Trek XII will be the third TWOK rip off in a row, only Kirk dies instead of Spock!" 
 

 

"Kay man, if you're not going to take this seriously, I'm out." 
 

"Ass. I wonder what being a Batman villain is like."

So, I had a shocking moment watching this. I realized that it's not as bad as I remembered. I think there's a good script in here somewhere. I think that with some re-editing to put some of the deleted scenes back in, restore it more to John Logan's version instead of Stuart Baird's version. But even then, Logan and Baird, as much as they made mistakes, look like freaking geniuses comared to AOKL. And Jerry Goldsmith really pulls his weight with the score. And for the most part the cast really do well with what they have.

There are some nitpicky continuity problems that are really bullshit. Small things that don't destroy the movie but it's like "really guys? Why wasn't anyone paying attention?" Like the Bald Cadet Picard thing, or Beverly saying she knew him at the Academy/His First Command. They're tiny things that are easy fixes -- like explaining Worf and Wesley being there. Easy fixes -- you could say Worf showed up for the wedding in uniform (like ex-military guys do) and then since the whole adventure took place on a detour to going to the other ceremony on Betazed, Worf simply felt obligated to help out. Etc.

And if the deleted scenes had been back in, a lot of stuff would flow better. Like near the end of the movie Worf remarks that the Romulans "fought with honour" which seems really out of character since Worf hates Romulans to an insane degree. But in a deleted scene near the start of the film, Worf warns Picard about dealing with Romulans since they are "without honour", so if that was still in there, all of a sudden you have a character arc instead of a continuity error.

All that aside, at least this movie is trying. Unlike STINO, it has themes that I can identify. I can see what they were going for. And unlike INSURRECTION, the events actually feel significant in the lives of the characters, instead of just a big budget TV episode. Ultimately the film suffers because it can't decide whether it's the last TNG movie or saving things for a sequel, but with the deleted scenes in mind we really get the sense of everyone moving on. Although the Dead Data/B-4 TWOK/TSFS rip off is really on the nose.

But as I said, it's trying. There are real sci-fi themes here, real character stuff, and the space battles feel energetic and dynamic in a way that's exciting after seven years of VOYAGER.The other action scenes aren't as good, I'll admit. That car chase? Ugh. The gun battles in hallways that feel no more exciting than the opening of A NEW HOPE. And the fact that the climax is Picard and Shinzon struggling over a knife? You can feel the execs insisting on more action.

So yeah, NEMESIS isn't perfect, but after the last few years it looks a lot better.

5.5/10

1. STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT
2. STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY
3. STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN
4. STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME
5. STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE
6. STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK
7. STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER
8. STAR TREK: GENERATIONS
9. STAR TREK: NEMESIS
10. STAR TREK: INSURRECTION
11. STAR TREK







Sunday, March 17, 2013

Star Trek: Voyager, Season 7 Reviews

Reviews originally posted on the Star Trek thread at http://bondandbeyond.forumotion.com/

"Unimatrix Zero, Part Two"

So basically everything happens the way you'd think it would. Janeway, Tuvok and Torres are successful (and easily de-assimilated at the end of the episode, no biggie), the Unimatrix Zero revolution becomes a full scale uprising, but the virtual world itself is destroyed so that it doesn't actually become a recurring thing. A predictable end filled with good production values and "excitement" but nothing really great. The Borg are totally domesticated as villains, perhaps the only glimmer left of proper Borg writing is when the Queen just starts blowing up entire cubes that have as little as 1 mutated drone on them to quell the insurrection. Like Part 1, there are a lot of retarded plot holes. For example, Axom's plan is to destroy the Queen and somehow this is victory for the rebellion. Huh? We've seen the Queen killed and come back plenty of times, making it clear she's just a kind of Borg unit, that can be reproduced, not some actual centralized authority. Granted, both this and Part 1 write the Queen like she's Emperor Palpatine, like she's just Janeway's arch enemy in a comic book. Then there's the fact that it's made clear that Unimatrix Zero is a virtual environment like the Matrix -- the drones can appear in any appearnace they wish, and the Klingon one even conjures a bat'leth for himself, yet when it comes time to fight the Borg in that environment they make crude traps out of sharpened sticks and vines like fucking Ewoks. Why not imagine yourself a phaser cannon? Also, you're telling me that super mentally disciplined Vulcan Tuvok is the one who succumbs to the Borg mind control, not the halfbreed or the psycho? Finally, it's super easy for Janeway and Seven to destroy the virtual enviroment when it suits them at the end, that it seems unbelievable that the Queen aka the resources of the whole Collective where unable to figure it out at the start of Part 1. Also we take a massive hit from the Cube that makes a big hole in the ship through three decks and NO ONE DIES. Also, it's magically repaired by next week, but that goes without saying.
# of Crew: 138 Total -- 118 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 7 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -41
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 25,292.8 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

"Drive"
This is actually a nice fun episode and a great little Paris/Torres relationship even if it is just basically all stuff we've seen before, it's also the culmination of it all. The only super unsatisfying thing (other than the Delta Flyer being magically rebuilt, better than ever, between episodes like it ain't no than) is that Torres and Paris suddenly get engaged at the end of the story, then get married between commercial breaks. On DS9 Worf and Dax were engaged for a good set of episodes before getting married, and we got like a whole ceremony and everything. I understand not wanting to repeat that, but it feels like a total cheap way out of this whole three year courtship to have them finally get married ENTIRELY OFF CAMERA.
# of Crew: 138 Total -- 118 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 7 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -42
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 25,247.9 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

"Repression"
OMG, someone remembered the Maquis existed! What a weird episode to do in season seven. To basically comeplete forget the Maquis for like three seasons and then to bring it all back just for the sake of a "murder" mystery. Overall it's a decent episode, being Tim Russ' contractually obligated once-per-year "Tuvok goes crazy" episode. But the weirdest thing is that according to this episode there are 30 Maquis onboard (there should be 13), which suggests that the Val Jean's original complement was 35 (when it was 18). Also, based on some dialogue here, the crew complement is made up of 1/4 Maquis (for 120 total), when in fact it should be 9% Maquis for 138 total. Also, this episode claims a distance from Earth of 35,000ly, which is like 5,000 more than they were saying in season 6, and hasn't actually been true since like mid-season 5 or something crazy like that. Also, in addition to there suddenly being way more Maquis, there's also a Vulcan Maquis, when it's been previously established that Vorik is the only other Vulcan on the ship.
But aside from the nitpicks, the biggest problem with this episode is that it's a murder mystery for two acts, then a mind control Maquis rebellion in act three, and then it ends. Tuvok suddenly turns good, so does Chakotay, for no real reason other than the hour is up, and then off camera between a cut all the other mind controlled people are stopped and everything's back to normal and the crew joking around again. Seriously, we go from terrorists controlling the bridge to the crew watching 1950s 3-D movies on the holodeck between cuts. It's fucked.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 7 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -42
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 25,219.9 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

"Imperfection"
At times this is a pretty good episode about dealing with a potential terminal illness in a friend or family member, but at other times its an utterly predictable medical procedural played with all the excitement of a completely uninspired and cliché hospital drama. We at least get rid of all the non-Icheb Borg kids in the teaser.
# of Crew: 134 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -46
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 25,180.7 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11


"Critical Care"
So VOY finally got around to doing a good episode of Star Trek. I mean, this is classic TOS, from the social allegory of a modern day problem in a sci-fi setting, to the emotionless computer controlling it all. The only thing missing was that no one convinced the computer to blow itself up in the end. It's also a great Doc episode, as he learns to play hardball and make some tough choices. The only thing that's a little fucked up is the moral. Doc saves the day because he's willing to sacrifice an individual to save a greater whole, but thats also the rationale that the villains use, who are willing to let lesser patients die to save the greater society. So at what point does "needs of the many" stop being a great logical truth and start becoming the Borg? That's a question the episode never really addresses because then the whole Federation philosophy starts becoming unraveled.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -46
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 25,138.6 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

"Inside Man"
A fun episode with Barclay, holograms and Ferengi. I've seen this episode get criticism for its use of the Ferengi as the villains instead of a more heavy hitting AQ villain, but the choice of Ferengi makes sense because it means the villainy is lightweight enough to be dealt with in one episode and without having to deal with explaining the political fall-out of the Dominion War (like with the Romulans or something). I love the "cool, confident" hologram version of Barclay. I also really like the Barclay/Troi scenes, which actually, after years of doing scenes like this, finally feel like real counselling scenes. All in all, despite being a "Voyager could, but doesn't get home" episode, I liked this one.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -46
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,925.8 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

I liked two episodes in a row. Something must be wrong with me.


"Body and Soul"
An episode where we visit a society in the grips of an insurgency of "photonics" -- the highly advanced holographic beings who feel subjugated as a servant class and who have risen up against their oppressors. To avoid detection, the Doc hides in Seven's body. Any interesting notions this episode might contain are thrown out (we never even meet the holo-insurgents) in favour of tired, old "body switch" cliché jokes with Doc Seven, including numerous awkward sexual moments. Also, Tuvok solves Pon Farr by boning a hologram of his wife in a simulation of Vulcan. Yawn.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -46
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,758.6 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11


Fuck, I am so sick of this show.

"Nightingale"
So it's Harry Kim's first command, which I think we've seen before on this show. The B-plot is basically the same "character who doesn't understand humanity F***S up their first attempts at love" episode that we've seen on this show already with Seven and the Doc, and also on DS9 with Odo, and on TNG with Data -- this time with Icheb going after B'Elanna based on weak premises for the pure result of weak "hilarious" misunderstandings. The entire thing feels thrown together and thrown in to fill time. The A-plot itself is super predictable (the helpless aliens we're assisting aren't what they appear to be) and the ending is nonsensical (the whole point is that it's super hard to get passed the blockade, but once Harry accomplishes the goal of getting in, he's able to get back out lickety-split in the commercial break no problem).
So what's worthwhile in this episode? Actually, quite a lot. It's the first, I think, really GOOD Harry Kim episode, because it acknowledges the truth of the character. It acknowledges that the dude is way too old and inexperienced to still be an ensign. He actually, in dialogue, confronts the captain about it. It would've been nice if he'd gotten promoted at the end of the episode, but at least the episode comes out and says it. And his whole arc of always being Tom's sidekick is examined, as well as the fact that all previous Kim episodes were usually based around him falling in love with the wrong girl. It looks at all that Kim has been so far and says "Fuck, even Harry Kim hates being Harry Kim," and gives him the chance to be something more. It's smart in the way it handles his character and his attitude and Garrett Wang does a helluva job with the script.
Sucks that I know everything will be back to normal next episode. This fucking show.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -46
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,722.16 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11



"Flesh and Blood"

So, of all the 2-hour Voyager telefilms, this is I think the best so far. I mean, it's just as dumb and over-the-top as the others, and I feel like I'm gonna have to sit through at least four or five bottle shows to make up for all the money they spent on this one. The premise -- that the holograms we gave the Hirogen have risen up in revolt -- is at times asinine and the amount of hoops we need to jump through to get the story where it needs to go is insane, but once we get where we need to be, things do work. I appreciated that the leader of the hologram revolt is a crazy Bajoran terrorist who wants to set himself up as hologram Jesus and that the episode actually acknowledges that not all holograms are ultra-advanced potentially sentient beings -- I love when he "liberates" some mining holograms and they are just simple programs. And then the episode manages to end in a big action climax complete with one liners and it doesn't feel totally forced.
But the first half is just freaking awful. Janeway has an argument with Chakotay where she argues that they have a responsibility to help the Hirogen because it was a huge mistake to give them holodeck technology -- and acts like she wasn't the one who made that decision. There is actual dialogue where she says that giving replicators to feed and clothe people is different and something they've had to do, when the first two seasons were all about her steadfast refusal NOT TO DO THAT. Janeway is just batshit crazy in this episode.
Why do the holograms need a home planet? Being in a simulation is indistinguishable from reality for them -- why not Moriarty them all and give them some planet within a computer chip?
Where did the massive medical staff Doc has in this episode come from? What the fuck?
In short -- the first half is a nonsenscial mess but once we ease into the second half and don't have to worry about setting up the premise, things are much better.
Also -- while using Alpha Quadrant computer based holograms was a nice way to utilize the DS9 alien costumes, what the fuck is a Jem'Hadar doing here? There's no way at all that they would be in the database VOY gave the Hirogen.
This is an episode that ocassionally used great continuity (holy shit, referencing the holo-uprising based episode from a few weeks back that sucked and using it to make this one better? Remembering the Maquis??) and then ocassionally shat all over it. Also, once again, the only way Janeway makes sense is if you fanon that she is crazy.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -50
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,657.6 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
How did NO ONE die in that episode?


"Shattered"
This is kinda like a clip show where the reshot all the scenes. Voyager gets split into mulitple timeframes from across the series seven year run and only Chakotay can travel between them. We run into a bunch of characters and situations from a few different episodes, and I bet the writers thought this was a good tribute to the show's history but it's all really pointless and procedural and has no fun and at the end everyone's memory is wiped so for all intents and purposes it never happened anyway.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians <--- --="" 141.="" 153="" actually="" and="" br="" but="" claims="" combined="" crew="" dudes="" her="" maquis="" of="" past-janeway="" s="" she="" started="" that="" the="" total="" with=""># of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -50
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,593.2 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11


"Lineage"
A superbly realized, dramatically effective, and well acted piece about B'Elanna and Tom's troubles once they learn B'Elanna is pregnant, and she wants the Doc to genetically modify the fetus to weed out its Klingon traits. It's a good exploration of a plausible sci-fi ethical issues -- except -- wait -- isn't genetic engineering of any kind except in cases of life-threatening conditions ILLEGAL in the Federation? What is everyone doing standing around having moral arguments over whether this is right or wrong? It's not only wrong, there's already a law against it for just this kind of scenario. The whole episode is totally invalid and complete joke because it never even slightly brings this fact up. That's like a Trek episode being about how hard interstellar travel is since faster-than-light travel is impossible. What?
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -50
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,539.9 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 49 days

"Repentance"
A death penalty allegory episode that strikes one as the VOY writers trying really hard to do a classic Trek "moral choice" episode. Some of the metaphor works, some of it doesn't, some of it comes across as hopelessly naive. I did admire, however, that Janeway respected the spirit of the Prime Directive throughout and remained level-headed, rather than unfairly judging another culture and cowboying their way to moral victory like they usually do. Also I liked the twist that the crazy psycho killer was mentally unbalanced and actually not a bad guy, while the "they only looked me up cuz the system is racist!" guy turned out to be a scheming asshole. This episode is all right, but flawed.
# of Crew: 135 Total -- 115 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -50
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,517.5 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 57 days


"Prophecy"
Honestly not as bad as I had expected it to be. Not really good, either. Kinda pointless and cliché and predictable, but not outright bad. I can't even fault them for doing "Klingons on Voyager" because heck, it's Season 7, why not at this point? This show abandoned really treating it's premise seriously ages ago. And it sorta shows we're getting closer to home, I guess. I dunno. Whatever.
# of Crew: 134 Total -- 114 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians,
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -50
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,411.8 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 77 days


"The Void"
I liked this better when it was half as long and starrred James T. Kirk. Seriously, this episode is essentially word-for-word "Time Trap" just extended for an hour.
# of Crew: 134 Total -- 114 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians,
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -52
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,386.6 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 86 days


"Workforce" Parts I & II
Actually not bad. A decent plot with decent character moments that really only falters in the poor justification for why Janeway's love interest from the planet can't just join the Voyager crew. I mean, yeah the Captain can't fraternize with her crew but there's no regulation against having a boyfriend. He could just be a civillian. It's not like you don't have a habit of picking up hitchhikers.
One thing I liked about this one was that the evil aliens aren't the whole race, and it isn't the concept of working in a power plant that's evil either. It's just a few elite members of the society driven to extremes who are working in secret, and in fact other members of their species help our people take them out. That's cool and refreshing for Trek at this point.
# of Crew: 126 Total -- 107 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -56
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,324.4 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 111 days


"Human Error"
It's like a perfect summation of all this series' flaws that a quarter of a season away from the final episode, the only way a major character can experience any kind of significant development is in a holographic fantasy. As well written as this episode sometimes is, in a modern day television show it's closest equivalent would be an episode about a woman writing erotic fiction about her co-workers and masturbating to it. And what an awful reset button ending. If she ever experiences significant emotion her Borg implants will disable her? And she chooses not to get a procedure to remove them, despite that being clearly what she wants. What's the point when you're so close to the end? Oh, right, so you can strip it in syndication reruns such that there's no discernible difference between season 4 and season 7.
And Chakotay is a vegetarian, Seven. If you're gonna fantasize about him, at least get your facts straight.

# of Crew: 126 Total -- 107 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -59
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,279.3 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 125 days

"Q2"
Taken by itself, this episode isn't actually as bad as I remember. Q's son is funny, the actor (de Lancie's actual son) is pretty good, and I enjoyed the show poking fun at itself for a while. It amused me that the central theme is of Q Jr. learning responsibility when the way he acts at the start is the way our "hero" KINO acts in STINO (to use Tux's terminologies).
But the main problem with this episode is that it's the apex (or nadir) of the retrograde development of the Q by VOY, similar to VOY's ruining of TNG's other great concept, the Borg. Once, both were all powerful and awe inspiring. Now, both are flippant jokes used for ratings grabs and reduced to one-note, and largely brought down to human levels. No coincedence it seems that the Borg pop up in this episode too -- as a gag.
Also -- Q Jr is about to make a space-time gate to ANYWHERE using JUST a standard deflector dish and the controls in the Delta Flyer? Fuck Q's "tips", ask him how to do THAT! Hell, you don't even NEED to ask -- keylogs in the Flyer should tell you EXACTLY what Q Jr did! F***IN' Voyager crew man. Dumber than a box of rocks.
# of Crew: 126 Total -- 107 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -59
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,234.4 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 141 days


"Author, Author"
While this episode is in many ways a retread of "Measure of a Man", it's still one of my favourite Voyager outings. It's certainly the best episode all season, maybe the best since "Blink of an Eye" in season 6. It manages to be just different enough from "Measure" to be worthwhile, and the holodeck stuff is well done as well. It's an episode that makes good use of series continuity as well, even drawing on earlier hologram related episodes this season -- it almost feels like "holographic rights" is the theme of season 7, if you wanted to give the writing staff that much credit. The characters are well drawn this hour, and somehow we manage to fit in the Doc's Holo-Novel, Tom's parody, the courtroom drama, and the subplot of Voyager crewmembers reconnecting with their families all into one hour without any of it feeling rushed. It's a well-written episode, and no matter how derivative, this is a rare enough quality in Voyager to make it a worthwhile hour.
I also like how the idea of being able to achieve 11 minutes of reeltime contact with home really establishes how close we're getting to the goal. It's like this episode was written by someone realizing that the series was wrapping up!
# of Crew: 126 Total -- 107 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians (Neelix claims there are 146!)
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -59
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,167.2 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 160 days
The final scene with the EMH-Mark 1s actually takes place a month or so after the crew returns home.


"Friendship One"
This episode is intellectually retarded, on several levels. First up, the Friendship 1 probe traveled at Warp 1 (or near that) for 180 years before Starfleet lost contact. Because they tracked it to Voyager's vicinity, that means that the loss of contact was probably due to the crash, not, say, it falling into a wormhole or something. So how come it's 24,000ly from Earth and not, say, 180? Which would place it closer than Rigel, Antares, Vega, Betelgeuse, etc, etc.
They could have said the probe was from Kirk's time, or even Archer's, and it could have then gone 24,000ly in a reasonable time for Voyager to find it (and for the radiation sufferers to only be like 1st or 2nd generation instead of the unlikely idea that they'd survived on a dead world for 200 years), and it would not have changed anything
Then we have poor Joe Carey, a major S1 recurring character who we haven't seen except in flashbacks and time travel since "State of Flux", and is summarily killed off here for some cheap pathos, despite the fact that hardly anyone in the "regular Voyager audience" would remember him.
Then there's the idea that travelling to a planet 136ly away would take a month at max warp according to Torres, and 17 round trips would take 3 years, which is the BS reason they can't help the people dying of horrific radiation, when in fact this would only take Voyager about 20 weeks at max warp.
Then there's "action Doc", who shoots 3 dudes when the Hippocratic Oath is hardwired into him.
Janeway doesn't want to help the entire planet of dying radioactive people because it's "not their problem", when helping the Ocampa is what landed them in the DQ in the first place, and I don't even remember why destroying the Array helped them anyway.
And then finally, Janeway is so morose after the death of the character we haven't seen in six seasons that she declares that exploration isn't worth the risk if it means even the death of one man. WHAT THE FUCK? You're the Captain of a vessel in a quasi-military whose main mission is exploration and whose quasi-military nature means that everyone is prepared to give their lives in the line of duty! RISK IS YOUR BUSINESS, JANEWAY! That's like the mission statement of STAR TREK!!! Worst. Captain. Ever. Just based on that one statement alone, regardless of all her other, major, failings.
# of Crew: 125 Total -- 106 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -65
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,188.8 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 167 days

"Natural Law"
Another terrible episode where Seven learns primitive aboriginals are just as good, if not better, than her, while Paris goes through driver's ed. Augh. If I caught this in reruns and you told me it was the fourth last episode of the show I would not believe you. Also, Seven, who has a crush on Chakotay, is stranded on a planet with him, and their "romance" is a major plot point of the finale less than a month away, and yet there's no evidence of such a subplot here at all. Also, Janeway is terrible and I have no idea what moral this episode is getting at, except I'm pretty sure it's misguided as fuck.
This show, man.
# of Crew: 125 Total -- 106 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -5
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -65
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,135.5 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 186 days


"Homestead"
This episode has a lot of stupid things in it. The Talaxian colony 50,911.5ly from home. That they got there within 22 years (Warp 9.89 without stopping). The fact that they've settled on an asteroid owned by someone else after settling on other planets owned by someone else as if there were no uninhabited planets within all that space. The fact that everyone overlooks the simplest solution: The miners wanna mine, the Talaxians already have an intricate tunnel complex throughout -- rather than blowing them up, pay them to mine for you. Then everyone keeps acting like this is a Prime Directive issue, when it's really clearly not. Then there's the chronological snafu of making it April 5, 2378 suddenly when it should be Nov 14, 2377 according to the stardate system.
But, y'know what? Whatever. Neelix gets a good episode to go out on, an end to his character arc, and some closure and a nice goodbye. That's better than anyone else on this show gets, and it means we get a couple of hours without Neelix, too. That might make it the best episode of VOY by default.
# of Crew: 124 Total -- 106 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 3 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -5
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -65
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,088.5 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 201 days

"Renaissance Man"
This episode was actually really good. It's clever, the characters are super-competent, Tuvok is awesome, the Doc gets to do a bunch of awesome stuff that he should always have been able to do but never did, and at the end of the day it's not ridiculously stupid (although the initial con ruse seems that way when the episode is pretending the con is real). I really liked this episode. But THIS is the second-to-last show? Really? At least the Doc's fake death scene gives him a chance to say a bunch of stuff to the crew that gives a feeling of mini closure. But of course he's fine. VOY reset. But oh well, a good episode is a good episode (and one last holo-episode for a season full of 'em!)
# of Crew: 124 Total -- 106 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 3 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -5
# of Warp Cores: 1
# of Photon Torpedoes: -65
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,059.4 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 209 days

"Endgame"
Okay, we all know why this episode is super stupid. The time travel makes no sense, there's no closure for anybody at the end, the tech upgrades make Voyager super OP, why does Admiral Janeway choose this lost opportunity to get home and not any others (especially the Ferengi wormhole incident)? Why is Tuvok's illness, Chakotay's death, Seven's death, etc. the motivation to ruin an entire timeline and everyone else's lives all of a sudden? How did Seven not recognize that it was a transwarp hub? Why doesn't the Borg Queen just assimilate everybody the first sign of trouble (she doesn't need to interrogate people if she just assimilates them!) Remember when the Borg were undefeatable and un-negotiable? Not to mention the shitty storytelling and filmmaking decision to cut back and forth between the future and the present continuously until Janeway arrives in our timeline. Sloppy. Etc. Etc. Etc.
But what's especially aggravating is how easily all the problems could be solved. I can even buy why it's THIS moment she goes back to and none of the others -- a friend pointed out that it's a point when the crew is at their most happy -- Neelix has his happy ending, Kes is a hyperevolved life-form, Seven and Chakotay are beginnng their romance, Tom and B'Elanna are about to have their baby -- ultimately you don't wanna wipe out too much of the journey because if they went back, say, with the Caretaker Array at the start, then Neelix would still be trading garbage, Kes would be getting raped by the Kazon, Chakotay and B'Elanna would be in Federation prison along with Tom, etc. etc. So I get it. And she can't wait too long after this point or Tuvok's condition (which also comes out of nowhere and should've been alluded to in earlier episodes) would be untreatable already. So, imagine this:
We start in the future, same shit, same dumb story (I'm fixing the episode, I can't make it high art). But Janeway gets the device without a hitch -- no Doc seeing Tuvok, seeing Reg, warning Kim, fight with Klingons, convincing Kim because at the end of the day NONE OF THAT MATTERS because she succeeds! There's no real tension for it. It doesn't matter because all of these characters are gonna be wiped from the timeline. We just need to see that Voyager got back, get a hint of their lives since, and most importantly, see how things are bad (Tuvok's first illness scene does that fine, as does Chakotay grave scene). So bam, the future scenes are much shorter. Admiral Janeway travels back in time. THEN! We're in the present, everything's the same (including the damn Chakotay/Seven romance because ultimately my only problem with that is that they should've fucking built up to it -- it comes out of so much nowhere). Admiral Janeway shows up.
But the transwarp hub ISN'T the Borg's. Because when you think about it, it breaks the Borg. We see that the hub network can take them ANYWHERE nearly INSTANTLY, including the Dominion AND 1ly away from Earth! It's not consistent with ANYTHING we've seen of how the Borg travel up to this point. Yeah, their ships are fast, but why haven't they used this thing to conquer EVERYTHING so far? Why weren't the Borg fucking up the Jem'Hadar? Why aren't they constantly launching Cubes at Earth?
So, instead, the hub is run by some group of friendly aliens that we befriend, and Admiral Janeway didn't know about when she was Captain Janeway (Voyager scanned the nebula, didn't detect the hub, kept going, but Future Janeway knows because these aliens will have made contact with the Feds in the years since Voyager's return). But! The Borg have discovered the hub! And the crew then decide to fuck about risking Voyager to help the aliens DEFEND the hub from the Borg because otherwise if the Borg get access it risks all the above shit I just said the Borg could do with the hub the episode already gives them. This is then Admiral Janeway's conflict with Captain Janeway about selfishness vs. heroism, because in the episode as it stands it's clear the Hub isn't a big deal (since the Borg haven't used it to fuck everybody) and so Captain Janeway comes off as stupidly reckless (again). Also, in this new scenario, our villains are trying to do something villainous, and we're risking our way home to stop them! As opposed to risking our way home to shit on some people who aren't actually doing anything in the story -- yeah, those people are the Borg, but as it stands the Queen's villainous scheme is "don't get blown up by these guys."
So the moral quandary is that Janeway realizes the hub is too powerful to let stand -- even if we defeat THESE Borg, they will keep coming as long as the hub exists. So we convince the aliens to destroy it to save themselves and the galaxy, and the jeopardy is can we destroy the hub, defeat the Borg, and get through in time to get home?
I think Admiral Janeway can still use the pathogen to kill the Borg by sacrificing herself. I like that bit, because we've been talking about killing the Borg that way since "I, Borg" and it's good to finally do it -- and I like that it straight up takes the Borg out of the equation -- you can argue that after "Endgame" they are dead, which is good because they've been beaten into the ground and no longer useful as villains.
Then we make it home, and because we cut all that faffing about in the future, we can have SOME FUCKING CLOSURE.
And it doesn't have to be a big never-ending Return of the King thing. It can be like a "Wire" style montage of short, simple scenes:
The Doc and Reg hug, see Zimmerman again, who's just fine, thank you.
Kim shows up at his parents' doorstep, wearing LIEUTENANT's pips, hug.
Chakotay and B'Elanna at an official hearing are cleared of all charges, as are all the other Maquis, in light of their service to Voyager.
At another official hearing Janeway is cleared, promoted and given medals.
Seven introduces Chakotay to that aunt, she calls her "Annika" and so does Chakotay.
Tom meets his father. They look at one another. Then, B'Elanna and the newborn emerge from behind Tom, Admiral Paris is overwhelmed with joy. Admiral Paris: "I'm proud of you."
The crew and other Starfleet officials, all in dress uniform, standing in front of the Voyager, landed at the Presidio. They toast the ship and her crew. Then, old Admiral Janeway, same time period we started, looking at a holo-image of that day, happy. The End.
It would take like ten minutes if that, which you would easily get by eliminating the dumb Doc/Tuvok, Doc/Reg, Janeway/Klingons, Janeway/Kim, Kim/Klingons shit in the future period.
***FINAL STATS***
# of Crew: 124 Total -- 106 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 3 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -5
# of Warp Cores: 1
# of Photon Torpedoes: -71
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 0 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 239 days

I'm so fucking glad to be done that. Disapointed we didn't lose more crew, but -71 torpedoes is pretty F***IN funny.

Now on to NEMESHIT. Zod, why couldn't there be something GOOD to look forward to at the end of my chronological Trek? Even if I follow Ambassador Spock back in time, I just end up at STINO. Trek is a Hollow Franchise -- ends with a whimper.


Fuck you, Rick Berman. Fuck you.
 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Glory of Godzilla

Nihon no daikaiju eiga. The Japanese giant monster movie. A genre that has spawned hundreds of films over a period of almost sixty years, thanks in part to great success found in the West. In the next two years, Hollywood will be trying to replicate the appeal of these movies with two big budget releases. Guillermo del Toro's Pacific Rim is first, a movie of epic giant robot on giant monster combat powered by imagination and adrenaline. Also on the table is a remake of Godzilla, the premiere giant movie monster, from Monsters director Gareth Edwards, promising to be a serious and sober take on the behemoth nuclear therapod, in line with the dark and gritty sensibilities of today's audiences. But movie critics have questioned this approach – Godzilla, serious? Impossible!
In the West, the fun we get from these movies is laughing at them. We laugh at the hokey special effects, the ludicrous plots, and most of all, that awful dubbing! But of course, that is merely a reality of adaptation for the West, a process that has often involved some degree of revision from the Japanese originals. As kids, we grew up with a Japanese television series originally called Dinosaur Squadron Beast-Rangers, the American release of which reshot everything but the action and special effects series, transforming it into Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. When this genre is altered and adapted for their release here, often with not much respect, the result can be laughable. Mystery Science Theater 3000 spent years mocking the Gamera series, about a giant city-stomping flying turtle, a low-budget competitor to the King of the Monsters, Godzilla.
Godzilla, of course, is where it all started. With 28 instalments over fifty years, the monster is as much as symbol of Japan in the West as the Rising Sun. And while he's often a source of camp and amusement to us, it can be quite an eye-opening experience to actually go back and watch the films, especially in their original Japanese forms. The best of them, like Mothra vs Godzilla or Invasion of Astro-Monster, exude a sense of imagination, of fun and spectacle that is truly unique and very entertaining on its own. The creativity is unbridled and exciting, like a Jack Kirby comic. And the effects work, while outdated, is clearly executed with much attention to detail and craftsmanship, to create sequences that are totally convincing in their own way. There is great, liberating fun to be had enjoying these movies on their own terms, rather than just as subjects of mockery.
Thematic depth is also often overlooked in Western appraisals of these movies. Depth? What depth? Yet Gareth Edwards' conception of a “serious, sober” Godzilla film is in fact less of a reinvention than it is a return to form. The original 1954
Godzilla by director Ishiro Honda is a dark and brooding meditation on the dangers of nuclear power, and while a modern audience could try to mock it, by the time you reach the scene of schoolgirls singing a prayer for the dead as ambulances transport radiation burn victims in the wake of the monster's devastating assault, no one is laughing.
Japan knew full well the horrors of atomic assault, being the only nation to ever be so attacked. Godzilla was the first Japanese film to reference the attacks, even obliquely, as the subject matter was verboten during the American Occupation, which had only just ended. The direct inspiration for the film was the Lucky Dragon No. 5 incident of 1 March, 1954. The small Japanese fishing boat was hit with fallout from the United States hydrogen bomb test on Bikini Atoll, the crew struck with fatal levels of radiation sickness. Godzilla opens with images that would've been familiar to the public: a small fishing boat at sea, a flash of bright light, nuclear fire, and the wreck drifting ashore, the survivors soon dying from radiation. The film's finale chillingly evokes the wrath and the fury that was producer Tomoyuki Tanaka's primary intent. “The theme of the film from the beginning,” Tanaka said, “was the terror of the bomb. Mankind had created the bomb, and now Nature was going to take revenge on mankind.”
As the series became more popular the tone lightened and gradually Godzilla, implacable destroyer of civilization, became a heroic defender of the Earth and mankind. And even this seemingly inexplicable transformation speaks volumes of subtext. The monster changed as Japan's view of itself changed, as the nation overcame the guilt over its wartime actions and ascended into a great positive economic power, so too did the monster ascend to heroics, and campy silliness it must be said. As more and more monsters and imitators arose to destroy Tokyo, so too arose manmade giant robots to combat them, creating an entire subgenre that led to Gundam, Evangelion, and now Pacific Rim. 
And while Edwards' new Godzilla film may be heralded as a return to form, Hollywood is not the first to reboot Godzilla into a dark and monstrous character again – the original Japanese series rebooted in 1984 with The Return of Godzilla, which restored the series to its former grandeur and whose success led to some of its greatest entries, such as 1989's del Toro-esque Godzilla vs. Biollante, a personal favourite. This creative renewal, accompanied by improved and sometimes even awesome special effects, led to a renaissance for the whole genre. Even Gamera returned bigger and better than ever in 1995's Gamera: Guardian of the Universe.
Over time the genre has evolved from serious allegory to escapist entertainment and back again, growing in popularity and influence. So before indulging in Pacific Rim or Edwards' Godzilla, take some time out to discover or rediscover the joys and the glory of the Japanese originals that started it all, and perhaps you will find a deeper and purer entertainment, the kind of childlike awe that can perhaps only come from seeing a giant dinosaur engulf an urban centre in nuclear flame.