Ridley Scott's "1492: Conquest of Paradise" -- Historical Notes: Accuracy vs Storyteling

In crafting an historical drama, a filmmaker walks a very fine line. By following history too closely, a filmmaker risks alienating an audience with incomprehensible period details or boring them with a story that features no real structure and is simply an account of events. But, if the filmmaker strays from history too far in the dramatization, then it begs the question of why tell a historical film at all, and also disrespects the peoples and cultures represented in the work. 

On the one side of that spectrum we may find films such as Tora Tora Tora, which excellently depicts the attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941 CE with near documentary accuracy, but lacks a strong narrative focus that allows the audience to care about what they are seeing on a level beyond the intellectual. On the other, we may find a film like Braveheart, which is more like a remake of Spartacus set in Scotland than a story with any resemblance to that of William Wallace and his rebellion (1297-1305). 

It is with these truths in mind of the precarious balance between historical accuracy and narrative efficacy in dramatic storytelling that we must view Ridley Scott's 1992 film 1492: Conquest of Paradise. A big budget Hollywood telling of the voyages of Christopher Columbus to the Bahamas, it is a film that was clearly executed with much care to historical accuracy, has excellent production values and cast, carries the standard excellent visual flair of a Ridley Scott film, a superb score from Vangelis, and is without a doubt the best Christopher Columbus film ever made. And yet...

The historical character of Christopher Columbus, or Christoffa Corombo as he was born in 1450 in the Republic of Zêna (Genoa), is a highly problematic one. Columbus has long been regarded as a national hero of the United States of America, venerated for discovering the American continent and also proving that the Earth was round in the process. This tale is commonly told in US primary schools, and Columbus Day is celebrated on October 12.
Yet the true historical Columbus is very far from the mythical one. For one thing, he did not "discover" America, as of course there were many native peoples all ready living there, having crossed over from Asia from the Bering Strait some 15,000-20,000 years ago. For another, he was not even the first European to have done so, Norse seaman having founded colonies in Greenland and Newfoundland as early as 986. He was not even the first European of his time to reach the mainland -- the continent of America having been discovered by Amerigo Vespucci a few years later (hence the name). And finally, the idea that he proved the Earth round to a superstitious culture which believed it to be flat is a myth invented by Washington Irving in his fanciful 1828 biography of Columbus. 

But most problematic is perhaps not the voyage of discovery itself, but Columbus' governorship of the island colony he called Hispaniola thereafter. Columbus was, by all accounts, a tyrant, guilty of slavery, murder, torture, mutilation, and genocide on a scale that disgusted even his contemporaries in Spain.

So, if one is to do a movie about Columbus, how to approach such things? Previous films about the explorer, such as 1949's Christopher Columbus, embraced the patriotic myth and showed the Genoese navigator as a charming swashbuckling adventurer. In addition to Ridley Scott's 1492, two other films were released in the 500th anniversary year of his voyage - Christopher Columbus: The Discovery by John Glen and The Magic Voyage, a German animated film.

The Discovery embraces the myth of Columbus, and is also in all respects, just a very bad movie -- featuring a performance by Marlon Brando as Grand Inqusitor Tomás de Torquemada so phoned in that Roger Ebert said he wished he could "hang up". The Magic Voyage is a terrible piece of claptrap, the worst kind of "children's entertainment" which turns Columbus into a kind of goofy comic character "suitable" for children.

So how does 1492 approach it's central character? The film is by far and away the best of any on it's topic in terms of quality, and even in terms of history it stands head and shoulders above the others. But Scott made the decision that he wanted to portray Columbus heroically - a tragic hero yes, one capable of human faults, but still as a hero. This makes sense from a narrative point of view, but becomes increasingly problematic in terms of historical accuracy as the story goes on - you're left with three choices: glorifying Columbus' actions as governor, whitewashing to one degree or another, or ignoring them altogether.

Scott wants to romanticize Columbus, because he wants to tell the story of a dreamer, of a man who defied the conventions of his society to achieve something more, something thought impossible. Although he may not realize it, what Scott wants to do is tell a Randian story, with a Randian hero: that is, a hero who is smart, capable, and achieves something new despite the opposition of the world he lives in. 

Unfortunately, the historical Columbus was not really that kind of man, and so Scott must shift historical facts in order to portray him as one. Whether this makes 1492 a bad movie or not depends on how far along the earlier discussed scale it falls. To a certain extent, shifting facts to make a better story is expected of any historical drama - but in a case of Christoffa Corombo, it becomes very, very problematic if shifted too far.

After watching the movie, I am not sure how to judge it. While at times it becomes cartoonish and melodramatic, it is for the most part very effective, very realistic feeling, and very entertaining. One feels this is the best picture we may ever have of these momentous events on film. And yet, it strays further and further from the facts as it goes on. 

So, I have decided to herein chronicle the historical inaccuracies as I found them watching the movie, along with any necessary notes, to let anyone who reads them and watches the movie decide for themselves if Scott went too far in altering the facts. I still think that if one is to watch a Columbus movie, 1492 is the most worthwhile pick -- but if one watches the movie and reads these notes, then at least it's possible to get an idea of the whole story.

It must be noted, before I begin, that I am no historian. I have had a lifelong interest in history, my aunt is an historian, and I took a couple of history courses in university, but in fact I consider myself a filmmaker. That puts me more on Scott's side than against it in terms of occupational bias. I understand the need to alter and adapt to create a better narrative. I have made no distinction between "nitpicking", ie. minor historical errors that do not effect story, and notes of major inaccuracies and falsehoods. And I will also fully admit that almost all of the historical facts I am about to note came from Wikipedia. That means that maybe I am not entirely accurate either, but it also means that nothing of what I'm noting is obscure trivia, but pretty commonly agreed upon and widely known facts.

So, follow along with me as I recount the failings, trivial and major, of 1492: Conquest of Paradise.

~~~~

• We're in trouble from the moment the introductory text begins, wherein Scott claims the Spanish Inquisition persecuted men for "daring to dream" -- the Inqusition didn't really care about scientists or dreamers, it's target was converted Jews and Muslims, and it's goal was the expulsion of those faiths from Spain and the establishment of Catholic hegemony. Columbus didn't "challenge this power" -- he was a devout Catholic and did not come before the Inquisition, and he was not "driven by a sense of destiny". But Scott obviously feels that he must from the beginning set up the idea of Columbus as a heroic outsider to society's norms. 
• "No man dared to venture" across the western Ocean Sea (as the Atlantic was then called) -- in fact the Europeans of the 1490s knew people had sailed west before. While the Viking expeditions to "Vinland" were not as well known in the mainstream Christian world, the "Island of St. Brendan" was a well known legend since the 9th century of a mythical journey of Catholic monks from Ireland to an island in the Atlantic in 512.
• The Myth of the Flat Earth: all educated men (priests, navigators, cartographers, philosophers, etc) knew the Earth was round. Indeed, globes and maps with a round Earth survive from this time period and a spherical Earth was the basis of all martime navigation -- this was known since at least the 4th century BC.
• It bears mentioning that as Columbus was Genoese, his accent should be more Italian than French, although Genoese has aspects of both. In Genoese his name is Christoffa Corombo, however he signed his name in Latin as Christophorus Columbus - in Italian he is called Cristoforo Colombo, in Portuguese Cristóvão Colombo, and in Spain he was known as Cristóbal Colón. 
• The movie accurately portrays Columbus' belief that Japan was 3,000 miles west of the Canary Islands. He based this on the writings of Marinus of Tyre (who incorrectly judged the size of the Earth) and Abū al-ʿAbbās Aḥmad ibn Muḥammad ibn Kathīr al-Farghānī or Alfraganus of Baghdad -- but did not realize Alfraganus was using the longer Arabic mile rather than the shorter Roman one. Columbus was less of a visionary navigator than he was an incompetent one. The use of a Muslim source would be problematic to his position, but the movie instead paints the Jewish Ezras as the potential problem -- Columbus took nothing of his theory from Ezras, who was a biblical scribe, not a cartographer.
• Catholic priests at the Inquisition in Cordoba are shown doing Last Rites in Spanish when all Catholic rites would be in Latin until after 1965.
• The film tries to make it seem like it is superstition and ignorance that drives the monks of Salamanca to reject Columbus, but in fact they are totally right to laugh at him. I mean, Columbus thought that the distance from Spain to Cipangu (Japan) was 3,000 miles! He maintained until he died the belief that the native peoples of the Bahamas were Indians and that Cuba was a peninsula of China! The monks knew from the writings of Aristotle and Ptolemy that Asia was much farther than that as the Greeks had calculated the circumference of the Earth with great accuracy centuries ago - the issue was more that the felt no European ship of the time could cross such a distance because of issues of supplies and provisions. Not funding such an enterprise was the most rational decision in the world. Columbus landed at the Bahamas not because he was a visionary, but because he got lucky.
• Columbus calls the Kingdom of China one of the richest in the world, but the name China would not be recorded by westerners until 1516. Columbus would have known it as "Cathay."
• Columbus' son Diogo (Diego) is portrayed as a priest/monk, but I could find no evidence he ever was one (if he was he definitely must have renounced it by 1500).
• Martín Alonso Pinzón did not meet Columbus until after his journey was approved by the Crown -- he was an experienced mariner who Columbus promised half the profits to in order to get access to his ships and his men as Christoffa could not otherwise convince any experienced seamen to sail with him.
• Pinzón did not introduce Columbus to Luis de Santángel. Santángel was Queen Isabella's finance minister and intervened in January 1492 to convince Isabella to fund Columbus otherwise Christoffa was going to take his idea to Charles VIII of France. Santángel and Isabella's treasurer Gabriel Sanchez believed that while it was unlikely that Columbus would return, it was worth the attempt because Spain otherwise had no trade routes to the East thanks to interference from Portugal and the Turks, and the Kingdom badly needed the funds after the costly war to drive the Moors from Spain. The movie vastly glosses over these motivations.
• Luis would've thought the sack of Granada tragic not for cultural reasons but for financial ones -- the eight month siege had been expensive and its cost was the main reason the Crown of Castile and Aragon had not funded Columbus' voyage earlier. Luis himself was a Jew forced to convert by the Inquistion.
• In the movie Columbus' demands are rejected by Gabriel Sanchez but Isabella has him called back. In history it was Isabella who rejected and her husband King Ferdinand who called him back. Ferdinand gets totally shafted in this movie, with no lines. 
• Columbus is depicted as unique in navigating by the stars "as the Moors do", something which none of his men know how to do. In fact celestial navigation had been in use by westerners for over 200 years by this point and its methods widely known. 
• Columbus states a mistake of one degree would put them off course by 600 leagues, in fact one degree is only 16 leagues.
• The crew in the movie gets restless when they haven't spotted land after nine weeks. Columbus' first voyage took five weeks. 
• Pinzón is depicted as worrying about a mutiny among the crew while Columbus is steadfast and confident in their voyage. In fact, the reverse was true. The historical Columbus was somewhat paranoid about people doubting him and turning against him.
• Columbus promises 10,000 maravedis ($650US today) to the first man to sight land. In fact, this reward had been promised by the Crown, and after Rodrigo de Triana spotted land Columbus claimed he'd already seen it the night before so he could claim the reward. 
• The first sign of land was a mysterious light spotted the night of 11 October. Land was sighted at 2 am, 12 October, but Scott has it later in the evening, near sunset, with fog enshrouding Guanahani (San Salvador Island) so its reveal can be mysterious and dramatic.
• The Lucayan people are depicted with long hair, but Columbus recorded in his journal that they kept it cut short, except in the back.
• In the movie, Columbus' journal of 21 October states that if the natives are to be converted it will be with persuastion, not force, and that they should be treated with honor, respected and that pillaging and rape will be punished.
  Conversely, the real Columbus' journal of 12 October reads "they ought to make skilled servants, for they repeat whatever we tell them" -- Columbus wrote this after discovering that the Lucayans were often attacked by the mainland to be taken as slaves. In the same entry he writes "they can be very easily made Christians, for they seem to have no religion," and noted their lack of advanced metallurgy, writing "I could conquer the whole of them with 50 men, and govern as I pleased." 
• The Lucayans are shown with gold nose rings and necklaces, and when Columbus inquires of the source of gold they are lead to Cuba. In history it was their gold earrings which piqued his interest and so he took some of them prisoner (this is glossed over by the movie) and headed to Cuba, which he named Juana, on 28 October.
• Pinzón is shown with syphilis in Cuba, which he will bring back to the Old World and die of, but he is not shown getting it - the only way being by banging the natives.
• Pinzón is shown landing with Columbus on Hispaniola (Haiti) on 5 December, still sick. In actuality he had disobeyed orders from Columbus and set off on his own on 21 November in search of more plentiful gold,  landing at Hispaniola seperately in the Pinta, while the Niña and the Santa María went on without him.
• Columbus asks permission of the Taino chieftain Guacanagaríx, cacique of the Marien, to leave 39 men behind to build a fort and stay until he returns. The true reason for this was that on 25 December the Santa María ran aground and was abandoned and the Niña did not have room for all the men.
• The movie shows all three boats returning, but it was material from the abandoned Santa María that was used to construct the settlement La Navidad.
• The movie completely ignores Columbus' 16 January encounter with the Ciguayos of the Samana Peninsula who were the only natives to attack the Spanish, killing two of them. As mentioned earlier, it also ignores Pinzón's mutiny, and the reconnection of the Pinta with the Niña on 6 January. Pinzón was furious that Columbus had left 39 men behind, convinced that they would be killed or otherwise die. Columbus threated to hang him for insubordination.
• The movie also ignores the 25 Taino prisoners Columbus took, of which only six survived the trip back to Spain, although they are shown with him in the Spanish court when he returns, but the question of their consent in coming along is lampshaded.
• Due to a storm, the Pinta and Niña were seperated, with the Pinta reachng Pelos on 15 March 1493, while the Niña landed at Lisboa (Lisbon) in Portugal. Columbus controversially spent a week with King João II (John II) before carrying on to Spain.
• Columbus is shown bringing tobacco to the Spanish court - in the form of smoking a TOTALLY MODERN TIGHT ROLLED CIGAR! The tobacco smoked in Hispaniola was smoked in a pipe, and not brought back to Spain until the 1520s. Rodrigo de Jerez brought his habit back to his hometown and was imprisoned by the Inquisition because "only the Devil could give a man the power to exhale smoke through his mouth." Modern cigars would not exist until the 1800s.
• Columbus describes the religion of the "Indians" in terms of "God and Nature as one" in a very '90s New Age idealistic appropriation of Native culture kind of way -- as noted earlier the historical Columbus felt the Taino had no religion and thus could be easily converted, indeed this was one of the primary rationales of Spanish colonization and exploration -- to spread the word of God.
  In fact, the Taino had a polytheistic religion with two main gods -- Yucahu, god of the crops, and Atabey his mother, goddess of water and fertility. There were also many other minor gods and a fairly developed mythology.
• Columbus' second voyage is described as comprising 17 ships and 1,500 men. It was 1,200.
• Columbus' brothers Bertomê and Giacomo (Bartholomew and Diego) are depicted as unwilling to go along and govern with Columbus in Hispaniola, but in fact it was Bertomê the mapmaker who devised with Christoffa the entire West Indies scheme. 
• Bertomê actually missed the boat on the second voyage and had to go on his own voyage in 1494 to meet Columbus, where he was made governor of Hispaniola in Columbus' absence. Both brothers were in fact fiercely loyal to him, rather than what is portrayed here.
• Columbus' second voyage returned to Hispaniola on 22 November 1493, but the movie has this as 28 November for some reason.
• Adrián de Moxica is shown with Columbus landing at the second voyage, but he in fact did not join him until the third voyage.
• Columbus says "there will be no revenge" for the slaughter of the La Navidad settlement. He states that the Taino outnumbering them 10 to 1 as a reason not to start a war, and that they do not know which tribe to attack, and that they did not come to start a crusade. This is in STARK contrast to the true events, and this is the point where the movie takes a real turn away from history.
  Columbus felt a force of 50 men could conquer all the Taino with no problem. Columbus inquired with his ally Guacanagaríx of the Marien and found him no to blame but rather the chief Caonabo of the Jaragua. Columbus then established a new settlement, La Isabella, and ordered the following as retaliation:
  Every Taino over 14 years old was to deliver a quota of gold to the Spanish settlers every month. If this tribute was not delivered, their hands were to be cut off and they were to be left to bleed to death.
• Adrián de Moxica is depicted as cartoonishly evil.
• Nowhere is it mentioned in history that the plans for La Isabella or Santo Domingo (the movie is vague on which settlement this first town is supposed to be) were based on those of Leonardo da Vinci. This is just a goofy historical wink at the audience moment, although it is true da Vinci did draw up plans for an "ideal city" in 1488 (as did many Italian architects of the period), however implementing them in Hispaniola would have been difficult. Also, da Vinci was in Milan when he designed those plans, from 1482-1499, not Firenze (Florence). 
• Columbus mentions in his journal in the movie that by adapting to the Taino diet "meat is only a memory for us," another of the movie's over-idealizations of native culture. After all, if they don't hunt and don't make war, then why do they have archers who can shoot birds with great accuracy? In actuality the Taino ate many meats: hutias, worms, lizards, turtles, birds, manatees and of course as Islanders they were very skilled fishermen -- although their main staple was the crop cassava.
• MORE CIGARS!
• The Spanish are shown collecting the gold quota from the Taino, but the origins of this quota, the mines, etc. are not shown. This is similar to the film's overall strategy -- showing all the bad stuff Columbus did as happening, but not showing him actually doing it -- thus leaving him blameless.
• Moxica is shown eating watermelon, a fruit native to Africa. No way he brought it with him unless they had refrigerators those ships.
• Moxica is shown initiating the "chop off their hands" policy and everyone reacts like WTF, including Columbus. As mentioned earlier, this was Columbus' own policy.
• When Moxica is arrested he says the Spanish have been there for four years, which makes the setting the city of Santo Domingo and also means the second and third voyages of Columbus have been conflated -- the second return to Spain and the third expedition skipped.
  It was during this crucial absence from Hispaniola that most of the anger against Columbus fermented -- Christoffa had left in August of 1494, and against the explicit orders of Isabella took 1,200 of the Taino's rival tribe, the violent Caribs, as slaves to be sold in Spain.
  This was because there was simply not enough riches of gold in the New World, and the voyages needed to be paid for somehow. Slavery of conquered peoples was standard practice for Portuguese explorers, and Columbus assumed it was the same for the Spanish. It was not. 200 of the Carib died on the way back, and Isabella was pissed.
  Because it was illegal to enslave Christians, Columbus made it illegal in Hispaniola to baptize the natives, desite the spread of Christianity being one of the project's intended goals.
• Columbus was away for many years, returning for his third voyage on 30 May, 1498. He had left Bartholomew in charge, but during this time a man named Francisco Roldan had revolted and founded a rival regime with about half of the Spaniards.
• The goal of the third voyage was to bring supplies to Hispaniola and to search for the still unfound mainland of Asia -- although Columbus was convinced Juana (Cuba) was a peninsula of Cathay (China). Meanwhile a mission by Amerigo Vespucci had left in May 1497 but had not yet returned -- breaking the previously held monopoly of Columbus.
  Vespucci landed at Coyana and discovered the Amazon River, becoming the first European to visit the mainland continent of America, which bears his name. He would return in October of 1498 and be made chief navigator of Spain in 1508.
• Meanwhile King Henry VII of England sent the Genoese sailor Zuan Chabotto (John Cabot) to cross the sea as well on 2 May 1497, despite a papal decree that all new lands west of the Azores were claimed for Spain.
  Chabotto made landfall at what is now called Cape Bonavista in Newfoundland on 24 June 1497, returning in August. His second voyage would be lost at sea in 1499.
• Anyways, Columbus would discover Trinidad and Tobago on 31 July 1498, then explore the coast of South America until 12 August. Since Columbus still firmly believed North America was Asia, he considered South America a new continent, positioning it in his head as being roughly in the position of Australia relative to Asia.
• He arrived back at Hispaniola on 19 August 1498 to discover the rebellion. Although he initially resolved the situation peaceably, a second revolution was initiated by Adrián de Moxica, who had lead several expeditions for Spain to India in the 1480s. Columbus had Moxica's revolt violently put down, and Moxica was hanged.
• AND NOW BACK TO WHERE WE LEFT THE MOVIE! In the film, the rebellion is depicted as the natives against Columbus in retribution for Moxica's cruelty, before Moxica uses the fighting and confusion to attack Columbus as well. In reality, it was a revolt of the Spanish settlers who were upset that Columbus had lied to them about the gold and were disgusted by his brutal methods as a governor. That said, Moxica's revolt probably did find plenty of support among the Taino. 
• Moxica is depicted as committing honourable suicide by jumping off a cliff, when in reality as noted earlier, Columbus had him hanged. The other revolters are shown being strangled until dead, however. 
• A priest in the film complains that Columbus treats "Christians equally with heathen savages", when as noted earlier the only reason Columbus let them remain heathen savages was so it would be legal to enslave them.
• Santo Domingo, which the movie has somewhat conflated with La Isabella, is shown being ravaged by a hurricane in a very corny -- like EXTREMELY corny -- "wrath of God" type sequence. While this did happen, it was not until 1502, after Columbus was arrested. The same hurricane killed Francisco de Bobadilla, who has not properly arrived in the story yet. A hurricane did destroy the settlement of La Isabella in 1495, and its failure and abandonment let to the 1498 establishment of Santo Domingo, the first European-built city of the New World.
• Gabriel Sanchez, the Royal treasurer, is shown in the film to turn against Columbus for no real reason. He is shown reporting the colony's various failings to Isabella, and makes a big point of how Columbus forced nobles to work and treated Spaniards and Indians as equals -- when in reality the nobles sat back and had Taino slave labor do all the work. What really horrified Isabella was in fact Columbus' tyranny of the natives -- when she had given him explicit orders to befriend them, to convert them, and not to enslave them.
• Sanchez is depicted as learning of the failure of Santo Domingo from a discontented priest. In fact, it was from Columbus himself that the Crown learned of the failures in Hispaniola. By October 1499, Columbus was exhausted by recent events and wracked with arthritis and opthalmia. He requested a royal commissioner be sent to assist him, so the Catholic Monarchs setn Francisco de Bobadilla -- depicted here as a judge and a sycophant of Gabriel Sanchez with a grudge against Columbus, in reality a member of the military Order of Calatrava.
• Bobadilla arrived in August 1500, having been appointed to replace Columbus as governor and investigate accounts of his brutality.
• Bobadilla disappoints Columbus in the movie by reporting to him of the discovery of the mainland by Amerigo Vespucci "weeks ago". However this had happened in 1497 before the third voyage, and was already known to Columbus by this time. That said, it is true that Columbus was very resentful of Amerigo, accusing him of stealing his legacy and reputation - Columbus had naturally wanted to call the continent of (South) America Columbia, but at least a nation in the region would one day be named after him!
• The movie then cuts to January 1501 where Columbus is imprisoned in the very German/Disney-esque "Prison Castille". In reality, Columbus was sent back to Cadíz in chain on 1 October 1500, and spent only a month and a half in prison.
• Bobadilla's investigation had testimony from 23 people, supporters and detractors of Columbus alike, whom all said atrocities took place, such as:
  - Cutting a corn thief's nose and ear's off and selling him into slavery.
  - Parading a woman naked in the streets and cutting her tongue off for implying the Columbus family was of ignoble birth.
  - Parading the dismembered bodies of the slaughtered rebelling natives through the streets to discourage further rebellion.
  - Rape, torture and mutilations.
  - Death and desperation: mothers so starved they could not breastfeed newborns, a massive infant mortality rate, a mining program enforced so that women did not see their husbands for eight months at a time. This and the other deaths caused the birth rate and population to plummet. The real priest in Santo Domingo, Bartoleme de las Casas, estimated the Taino death toll between 1494-1508 at three million.
• Columbus was not allowed a defense, and he and his brothers were sent to Spain in chains and jailed at Cadíz.
• In 1501, Columbus' son Fernando is shown as all grown up, maybe 18 at the youngest, while in reality he was only 13 at the time - older brother Diogo is 22.
• Diogo is depicted all throughout the movie as being against his father's journies, when in reality he succeeded his father as Admiral of the Ocean Sea and Viceroy and was the most adamant fighter for the restoration of his father's titles after he was arrested and disgraced. Fernando went on one voyage (the fourth) and hated it and stayed home to be a scholar. 
• Columbus asks Isabella to be allowed to return as he as still never seen the mainland, and Isabella says yes so long as he does not take his brothers.  In reality the rationale for the fourth voyage wasn't the mainland, which Amerigo Vespucci had found but that by now had been claimed for Portugal (in April 1500 by Pedro Cabral) -- and Columbus did in fact take Bartholomew and Fernando on the trip. The real rationale for the fourth voyage was to find a passage through to Asia, to Cathay and Cipangu, to the gold and spices and riches that were supposed to be the whole point! The real punishment was that all of the wealth and titles of "Cristóbal Colón" were taken, and he could no longer be governor of any lands.
• In the scene with his mistress, Columbus claims he does not need riches -- yet he spent the rest of his life, as did his son Diogo, petitioning the Crown to have his title and his 10% of profits restored to him.
• The film seems to skip Columbus' fourth voyage of 1502-1504, to show Columbus as an "old man" in 1506 -- in reality he was indeed aged to white hair and infirmity by this point due to his many diseases. It is implied in the film that he has lost prestige and legacy to Amerigo Vespucci, which is something that the Columbus family did indeed claim -- but then the Columbus family were a bunch of dicks anyway.
• A scene where a priest at Salamanca lectures on the geography of the New World seems to confuse Santo Domingo as being a seperate place from Hispaniola, when in fact it is a city on that island.
• Columbus' fourth voyage, in which he went to Panama and learned from the native population of the Pacific Ocean (and thus the way to China at last), was shipwrecked on Jamaica and denied rescue by the new governor of Hispaniola, impressed the natives by correctly predicting a lunar eclipse and thus convincing them he was a sorceror, then escaped and returned safely to Spain through a hurricane that destroyed ALL his enemies in Santo Domingo --- is only covered in a brief one sentence note at the end.
• Columbus died in Spain on 20 May 1506, at 54 years old, of chronic arthritis.

Star Trek: Voyager, Season 7 Reviews

Reviews originally posted on the Star Trek thread at http://bondandbeyond.forumotion.com/

"Unimatrix Zero, Part Two"
So basically everything happens the way you'd think it would. Janeway, Tuvok and Torres are successful (and easily de-assimilated at the end of the episode, no biggie), the Unimatrix Zero revolution becomes a full scale uprising, but the virtual world itself is destroyed so that it doesn't actually become a recurring thing. A predictable end filled with good production values and "excitement" but nothing really great. The Borg are totally domesticated as villains, perhaps the only glimmer left of proper Borg writing is when the Queen just starts blowing up entire cubes that have as little as 1 mutated drone on them to quell the insurrection. Like Part 1, there are a lot of retarded plot holes. For example, Axom's plan is to destroy the Queen and somehow this is victory for the rebellion. Huh? We've seen the Queen killed and come back plenty of times, making it clear she's just a kind of Borg unit, that can be reproduced, not some actual centralized authority. Granted, both this and Part 1 write the Queen like she's Emperor Palpatine, like she's just Janeway's arch enemy in a comic book. Then there's the fact that it's made clear that Unimatrix Zero is a virtual environment like the Matrix -- the drones can appear in any appearnace they wish, and the Klingon one even conjures a bat'leth for himself, yet when it comes time to fight the Borg in that environment they make crude traps out of sharpened sticks and vines like fucking Ewoks. Why not imagine yourself a phaser cannon? Also, you're telling me that super mentally disciplined Vulcan Tuvok is the one who succumbs to the Borg mind control, not the halfbreed or the psycho? Finally, it's super easy for Janeway and Seven to destroy the virtual enviroment when it suits them at the end, that it seems unbelievable that the Queen aka the resources of the whole Collective where unable to figure it out at the start of Part 1. Also we take a massive hit from the Cube that makes a big hole in the ship through three decks and NO ONE DIES. Also, it's magically repaired by next week, but that goes without saying.
# of Crew: 138 Total -- 118 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 7 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -41
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 25,292.8 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

"Drive"
This is actually a nice fun episode and a great little Paris/Torres relationship even if it is just basically all stuff we've seen before, it's also the culmination of it all. The only super unsatisfying thing (other than the Delta Flyer being magically rebuilt, better than ever, between episodes like it ain't no than) is that Torres and Paris suddenly get engaged at the end of the story, then get married between commercial breaks. On DS9 Worf and Dax were engaged for a good set of episodes before getting married, and we got like a whole ceremony and everything. I understand not wanting to repeat that, but it feels like a total cheap way out of this whole three year courtship to have them finally get married ENTIRELY OFF CAMERA.
# of Crew: 138 Total -- 118 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 7 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -42
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 25,247.9 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

"Repression"
OMG, someone remembered the Maquis existed! What a weird episode to do in season seven. To basically comeplete forget the Maquis for like three seasons and then to bring it all back just for the sake of a "murder" mystery. Overall it's a decent episode, being Tim Russ' contractually obligated once-per-year "Tuvok goes crazy" episode. But the weirdest thing is that according to this episode there are 30 Maquis onboard (there should be 13), which suggests that the Val Jean's original complement was 35 (when it was 18). Also, based on some dialogue here, the crew complement is made up of 1/4 Maquis (for 120 total), when in fact it should be 9% Maquis for 138 total. Also, this episode claims a distance from Earth of 35,000ly, which is like 5,000 more than they were saying in season 6, and hasn't actually been true since like mid-season 5 or something crazy like that. Also, in addition to there suddenly being way more Maquis, there's also a Vulcan Maquis, when it's been previously established that Vorik is the only other Vulcan on the ship.
But aside from the nitpicks, the biggest problem with this episode is that it's a murder mystery for two acts, then a mind control Maquis rebellion in act three, and then it ends. Tuvok suddenly turns good, so does Chakotay, for no real reason other than the hour is up, and then off camera between a cut all the other mind controlled people are stopped and everything's back to normal and the crew joking around again. Seriously, we go from terrorists controlling the bridge to the crew watching 1950s 3-D movies on the holodeck between cuts. It's fucked.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 7 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -42
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 25,219.9 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

"Imperfection"
At times this is a pretty good episode about dealing with a potential terminal illness in a friend or family member, but at other times its an utterly predictable medical procedural played with all the excitement of a completely uninspired and cliché hospital drama. We at least get rid of all the non-Icheb Borg kids in the teaser.
# of Crew: 134 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -46
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 25,180.7 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

"Critical Care"
So VOY finally got around to doing a good episode of Star Trek. I mean, this is classic TOS, from the social allegory of a modern day problem in a sci-fi setting, to the emotionless computer controlling it all. The only thing missing was that no one convinced the computer to blow itself up in the end. It's also a great Doc episode, as he learns to play hardball and make some tough choices. The only thing that's a little fucked up is the moral. Doc saves the day because he's willing to sacrifice an individual to save a greater whole, but thats also the rationale that the villains use, who are willing to let lesser patients die to save the greater society. So at what point does "needs of the many" stop being a great logical truth and start becoming the Borg? That's a question the episode never really addresses because then the whole Federation philosophy starts becoming unraveled.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -46
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 25,138.6 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

"Inside Man"
A fun episode with Barclay, holograms and Ferengi. I've seen this episode get criticism for its use of the Ferengi as the villains instead of a more heavy hitting AQ villain, but the choice of Ferengi makes sense because it means the villainy is lightweight enough to be dealt with in one episode and without having to deal with explaining the political fall-out of the Dominion War (like with the Romulans or something). I love the "cool, confident" hologram version of Barclay. I also really like the Barclay/Troi scenes, which actually, after years of doing scenes like this, finally feel like real counselling scenes. All in all, despite being a "Voyager could, but doesn't get home" episode, I liked this one.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -46
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,925.8 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

I liked two episodes in a row. Something must be wrong with me.

"Body and Soul"
An episode where we visit a society in the grips of an insurgency of "photonics" -- the highly advanced holographic beings who feel subjugated as a servant class and who have risen up against their oppressors. To avoid detection, the Doc hides in Seven's body. Any interesting notions this episode might contain are thrown out (we never even meet the holo-insurgents) in favour of tired, old "body switch" cliché jokes with Doc Seven, including numerous awkward sexual moments. Also, Tuvok solves Pon Farr by boning a hologram of his wife in a simulation of Vulcan. Yawn.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -46
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,758.6 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

Fuck, I am so sick of this show.

"Nightingale"
So it's Harry Kim's first command, which I think we've seen before on this show. The B-plot is basically the same "character who doesn't understand humanity F***S up their first attempts at love" episode that we've seen on this show already with Seven and the Doc, and also on DS9 with Odo, and on TNG with Data -- this time with Icheb going after B'Elanna based on weak premises for the pure result of weak "hilarious" misunderstandings. The entire thing feels thrown together and thrown in to fill time. The A-plot itself is super predictable (the helpless aliens we're assisting aren't what they appear to be) and the ending is nonsensical (the whole point is that it's super hard to get passed the blockade, but once Harry accomplishes the goal of getting in, he's able to get back out lickety-split in the commercial break no problem).
So what's worthwhile in this episode? Actually, quite a lot. It's the first, I think, really GOOD Harry Kim episode, because it acknowledges the truth of the character. It acknowledges that the dude is way too old and inexperienced to still be an ensign. He actually, in dialogue, confronts the captain about it. It would've been nice if he'd gotten promoted at the end of the episode, but at least the episode comes out and says it. And his whole arc of always being Tom's sidekick is examined, as well as the fact that all previous Kim episodes were usually based around him falling in love with the wrong girl. It looks at all that Kim has been so far and says "Fuck, even Harry Kim hates being Harry Kim," and gives him the chance to be something more. It's smart in the way it handles his character and his attitude and Garrett Wang does a helluva job with the script.
Sucks that I know everything will be back to normal next episode. This fucking show.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -46
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,722.16 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11


"Flesh and Blood"
So, of all the 2-hour Voyager telefilms, this is I think the best so far. I mean, it's just as dumb and over-the-top as the others, and I feel like I'm gonna have to sit through at least four or five bottle shows to make up for all the money they spent on this one. The premise -- that the holograms we gave the Hirogen have risen up in revolt -- is at times asinine and the amount of hoops we need to jump through to get the story where it needs to go is insane, but once we get where we need to be, things do work. I appreciated that the leader of the hologram revolt is a crazy Bajoran terrorist who wants to set himself up as hologram Jesus and that the episode actually acknowledges that not all holograms are ultra-advanced potentially sentient beings -- I love when he "liberates" some mining holograms and they are just simple programs. And then the episode manages to end in a big action climax complete with one liners and it doesn't feel totally forced.
But the first half is just freaking awful. Janeway has an argument with Chakotay where she argues that they have a responsibility to help the Hirogen because it was a huge mistake to give them holodeck technology -- and acts like she wasn't the one who made that decision. There is actual dialogue where she says that giving replicators to feed and clothe people is different and something they've had to do, when the first two seasons were all about her steadfast refusal NOT TO DO THAT. Janeway is just batshit crazy in this episode.
Why do the holograms need a home planet? Being in a simulation is indistinguishable from reality for them -- why not Moriarty them all and give them some planet within a computer chip?
Where did the massive medical staff Doc has in this episode come from? What the fuck?
In short -- the first half is a nonsenscial mess but once we ease into the second half and don't have to worry about setting up the premise, things are much better.
Also -- while using Alpha Quadrant computer based holograms was a nice way to utilize the DS9 alien costumes, what the fuck is a Jem'Hadar doing here? There's no way at all that they would be in the database VOY gave the Hirogen.
This is an episode that ocassionally used great continuity (holy shit, referencing the holo-uprising based episode from a few weeks back that sucked and using it to make this one better? Remembering the Maquis??) and then ocassionally shat all over it. Also, once again, the only way Janeway makes sense is if you fanon that she is crazy.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -50
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,657.6 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
How did NO ONE die in that episode?

"Shattered"
This is kinda like a clip show where the reshot all the scenes. Voyager gets split into mulitple timeframes from across the series seven year run and only Chakotay can travel between them. We run into a bunch of characters and situations from a few different episodes, and I bet the writers thought this was a good tribute to the show's history but it's all really pointless and procedural and has no fun and at the end everyone's memory is wiped so for all intents and purposes it never happened anyway.
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians <--- --="" 141.="" 153="" actually="" and="" br="" but="" claims="" combined="" crew="" dudes="" her="" maquis="" of="" past-janeway="" s="" she="" started="" that="" the="" total="" with=""># of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -50
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,593.2 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11

"Lineage"
A superbly realized, dramatically effective, and well acted piece about B'Elanna and Tom's troubles once they learn B'Elanna is pregnant, and she wants the Doc to genetically modify the fetus to weed out its Klingon traits. It's a good exploration of a plausible sci-fi ethical issues -- except -- wait -- isn't genetic engineering of any kind except in cases of life-threatening conditions ILLEGAL in the Federation? What is everyone doing standing around having moral arguments over whether this is right or wrong? It's not only wrong, there's already a law against it for just this kind of scenario. The whole episode is totally invalid and complete joke because it never even slightly brings this fact up. That's like a Trek episode being about how hard interstellar travel is since faster-than-light travel is impossible. What?
# of Crew: 137 Total -- 117 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -50
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,539.9 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 49 days

"Repentance"
A death penalty allegory episode that strikes one as the VOY writers trying really hard to do a classic Trek "moral choice" episode. Some of the metaphor works, some of it doesn't, some of it comes across as hopelessly naive. I did admire, however, that Janeway respected the spirit of the Prime Directive throughout and remained level-headed, rather than unfairly judging another culture and cowboying their way to moral victory like they usually do. Also I liked the twist that the crazy psycho killer was mentally unbalanced and actually not a bad guy, while the "they only looked me up cuz the system is racist!" guy turned out to be a scheming asshole. This episode is all right, but flawed.
# of Crew: 135 Total -- 115 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -50
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,517.5 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 57 days

"Prophecy"
Honestly not as bad as I had expected it to be. Not really good, either. Kinda pointless and cliché and predictable, but not outright bad. I can't even fault them for doing "Klingons on Voyager" because heck, it's Season 7, why not at this point? This show abandoned really treating it's premise seriously ages ago. And it sorta shows we're getting closer to home, I guess. I dunno. Whatever.
# of Crew: 134 Total -- 114 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians,
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -50
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,411.8 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 77 days

"The Void"
I liked this better when it was half as long and starrred James T. Kirk. Seriously, this episode is essentially word-for-word "Time Trap" just extended for an hour.
# of Crew: 134 Total -- 114 Starfleet, 13 Maquis, 4 Civilians,
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -52
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,386.6 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 86 days

"Workforce" Parts I & II
Actually not bad. A decent plot with decent character moments that really only falters in the poor justification for why Janeway's love interest from the planet can't just join the Voyager crew. I mean, yeah the Captain can't fraternize with her crew but there's no regulation against having a boyfriend. He could just be a civillian. It's not like you don't have a habit of picking up hitchhikers.
One thing I liked about this one was that the evil aliens aren't the whole race, and it isn't the concept of working in a power plant that's evil either. It's just a few elite members of the society driven to extremes who are working in secret, and in fact other members of their species help our people take them out. That's cool and refreshing for Trek at this point.
# of Crew: 126 Total -- 107 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -56
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,324.4 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 111 days

"Human Error"
It's like a perfect summation of all this series' flaws that a quarter of a season away from the final episode, the only way a major character can experience any kind of significant development is in a holographic fantasy. As well written as this episode sometimes is, in a modern day television show it's closest equivalent would be an episode about a woman writing erotic fiction about her co-workers and masturbating to it. And what an awful reset button ending. If she ever experiences significant emotion her Borg implants will disable her? And she chooses not to get a procedure to remove them, despite that being clearly what she wants. What's the point when you're so close to the end? Oh, right, so you can strip it in syndication reruns such that there's no discernible difference between season 4 and season 7.
And Chakotay is a vegetarian, Seven. If you're gonna fantasize about him, at least get your facts straight.
# of Crew: 126 Total -- 107 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -59
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,279.3 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 11
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 125 days

"Q2"
Taken by itself, this episode isn't actually as bad as I remember. Q's son is funny, the actor (de Lancie's actual son) is pretty good, and I enjoyed the show poking fun at itself for a while. It amused me that the central theme is of Q Jr. learning responsibility when the way he acts at the start is the way our "hero" KINO acts in STINO (to use Tux's terminologies).
But the main problem with this episode is that it's the apex (or nadir) of the retrograde development of the Q by VOY, similar to VOY's ruining of TNG's other great concept, the Borg. Once, both were all powerful and awe inspiring. Now, both are flippant jokes used for ratings grabs and reduced to one-note, and largely brought down to human levels. No coincedence it seems that the Borg pop up in this episode too -- as a gag.
Also -- Q Jr is about to make a space-time gate to ANYWHERE using JUST a standard deflector dish and the controls in the Delta Flyer? Fuck Q's "tips", ask him how to do THAT! Hell, you don't even NEED to ask -- keylogs in the Flyer should tell you EXACTLY what Q Jr did! F***IN' Voyager crew man. Dumber than a box of rocks.
# of Crew: 126 Total -- 107 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -59
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,234.4 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 141 days

"Author, Author"
While this episode is in many ways a retread of "Measure of a Man", it's still one of my favourite Voyager outings. It's certainly the best episode all season, maybe the best since "Blink of an Eye" in season 6. It manages to be just different enough from "Measure" to be worthwhile, and the holodeck stuff is well done as well. It's an episode that makes good use of series continuity as well, even drawing on earlier hologram related episodes this season -- it almost feels like "holographic rights" is the theme of season 7, if you wanted to give the writing staff that much credit. The characters are well drawn this hour, and somehow we manage to fit in the Doc's Holo-Novel, Tom's parody, the courtroom drama, and the subplot of Voyager crewmembers reconnecting with their families all into one hour without any of it feeling rushed. It's a well-written episode, and no matter how derivative, this is a rare enough quality in Voyager to make it a worthwhile hour.
I also like how the idea of being able to achieve 11 minutes of reeltime contact with home really establishes how close we're getting to the goal. It's like this episode was written by someone realizing that the series was wrapping up!
# of Crew: 126 Total -- 107 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians (Neelix claims there are 146!)
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -59
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,167.2 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 160 days
The final scene with the EMH-Mark 1s actually takes place a month or so after the crew returns home.

"Friendship One"
This episode is intellectually retarded, on several levels. First up, the Friendship 1 probe traveled at Warp 1 (or near that) for 180 years before Starfleet lost contact. Because they tracked it to Voyager's vicinity, that means that the loss of contact was probably due to the crash, not, say, it falling into a wormhole or something. So how come it's 24,000ly from Earth and not, say, 180? Which would place it closer than Rigel, Antares, Vega, Betelgeuse, etc, etc.
They could have said the probe was from Kirk's time, or even Archer's, and it could have then gone 24,000ly in a reasonable time for Voyager to find it (and for the radiation sufferers to only be like 1st or 2nd generation instead of the unlikely idea that they'd survived on a dead world for 200 years), and it would not have changed anything
Then we have poor Joe Carey, a major S1 recurring character who we haven't seen except in flashbacks and time travel since "State of Flux", and is summarily killed off here for some cheap pathos, despite the fact that hardly anyone in the "regular Voyager audience" would remember him.
Then there's the idea that travelling to a planet 136ly away would take a month at max warp according to Torres, and 17 round trips would take 3 years, which is the BS reason they can't help the people dying of horrific radiation, when in fact this would only take Voyager about 20 weeks at max warp.
Then there's "action Doc", who shoots 3 dudes when the Hippocratic Oath is hardwired into him.
Janeway doesn't want to help the entire planet of dying radioactive people because it's "not their problem", when helping the Ocampa is what landed them in the DQ in the first place, and I don't even remember why destroying the Array helped them anyway.
And then finally, Janeway is so morose after the death of the character we haven't seen in six seasons that she declares that exploration isn't worth the risk if it means even the death of one man. WHAT THE FUCK? You're the Captain of a vessel in a quasi-military whose main mission is exploration and whose quasi-military nature means that everyone is prepared to give their lives in the line of duty! RISK IS YOUR BUSINESS, JANEWAY! That's like the mission statement of STAR TREK!!! Worst. Captain. Ever. Just based on that one statement alone, regardless of all her other, major, failings.
# of Crew: 125 Total -- 106 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -4
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -65
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,188.8 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 167 days

"Natural Law"
Another terrible episode where Seven learns primitive aboriginals are just as good, if not better, than her, while Paris goes through driver's ed. Augh. If I caught this in reruns and you told me it was the fourth last episode of the show I would not believe you. Also, Seven, who has a crush on Chakotay, is stranded on a planet with him, and their "romance" is a major plot point of the finale less than a month away, and yet there's no evidence of such a subplot here at all. Also, Janeway is terrible and I have no idea what moral this episode is getting at, except I'm pretty sure it's misguided as fuck.
This show, man.
# of Crew: 125 Total -- 106 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 4 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -5
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -65
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,135.5 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 186 days

"Homestead"
This episode has a lot of stupid things in it. The Talaxian colony 50,911.5ly from home. That they got there within 22 years (Warp 9.89 without stopping). The fact that they've settled on an asteroid owned by someone else after settling on other planets owned by someone else as if there were no uninhabited planets within all that space. The fact that everyone overlooks the simplest solution: The miners wanna mine, the Talaxians already have an intricate tunnel complex throughout -- rather than blowing them up, pay them to mine for you. Then everyone keeps acting like this is a Prime Directive issue, when it's really clearly not. Then there's the chronological snafu of making it April 5, 2378 suddenly when it should be Nov 14, 2377 according to the stardate system.
But, y'know what? Whatever. Neelix gets a good episode to go out on, an end to his character arc, and some closure and a nice goodbye. That's better than anyone else on this show gets, and it means we get a couple of hours without Neelix, too. That might make it the best episode of VOY by default.
# of Crew: 124 Total -- 106 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 3 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -5
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: -65
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,088.5 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 201 days

"Renaissance Man"
This episode was actually really good. It's clever, the characters are super-competent, Tuvok is awesome, the Doc gets to do a bunch of awesome stuff that he should always have been able to do but never did, and at the end of the day it's not ridiculously stupid (although the initial con ruse seems that way when the episode is pretending the con is real). I really liked this episode. But THIS is the second-to-last show? Really? At least the Doc's fake death scene gives him a chance to say a bunch of stuff to the crew that gives a feeling of mini closure. But of course he's fine. VOY reset. But oh well, a good episode is a good episode (and one last holo-episode for a season full of 'em!)
# of Crew: 124 Total -- 106 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 3 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -5
# of Warp Cores: 1
# of Photon Torpedoes: -65
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 24,059.4 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 209 days

"Endgame"
Okay, we all know why this episode is super stupid. The time travel makes no sense, there's no closure for anybody at the end, the tech upgrades make Voyager super OP, why does Admiral Janeway choose this lost opportunity to get home and not any others (especially the Ferengi wormhole incident)? Why is Tuvok's illness, Chakotay's death, Seven's death, etc. the motivation to ruin an entire timeline and everyone else's lives all of a sudden? How did Seven not recognize that it was a transwarp hub? Why doesn't the Borg Queen just assimilate everybody the first sign of trouble (she doesn't need to interrogate people if she just assimilates them!) Remember when the Borg were undefeatable and un-negotiable? Not to mention the shitty storytelling and filmmaking decision to cut back and forth between the future and the present continuously until Janeway arrives in our timeline. Sloppy. Etc. Etc. Etc.
But what's especially aggravating is how easily all the problems could be solved. I can even buy why it's THIS moment she goes back to and none of the others -- a friend pointed out that it's a point when the crew is at their most happy -- Neelix has his happy ending, Kes is a hyperevolved life-form, Seven and Chakotay are beginnng their romance, Tom and B'Elanna are about to have their baby -- ultimately you don't wanna wipe out too much of the journey because if they went back, say, with the Caretaker Array at the start, then Neelix would still be trading garbage, Kes would be getting raped by the Kazon, Chakotay and B'Elanna would be in Federation prison along with Tom, etc. etc. So I get it. And she can't wait too long after this point or Tuvok's condition (which also comes out of nowhere and should've been alluded to in earlier episodes) would be untreatable already. So, imagine this:
We start in the future, same shit, same dumb story (I'm fixing the episode, I can't make it high art). But Janeway gets the device without a hitch -- no Doc seeing Tuvok, seeing Reg, warning Kim, fight with Klingons, convincing Kim because at the end of the day NONE OF THAT MATTERS because she succeeds! There's no real tension for it. It doesn't matter because all of these characters are gonna be wiped from the timeline. We just need to see that Voyager got back, get a hint of their lives since, and most importantly, see how things are bad (Tuvok's first illness scene does that fine, as does Chakotay grave scene). So bam, the future scenes are much shorter. Admiral Janeway travels back in time. THEN! We're in the present, everything's the same (including the damn Chakotay/Seven romance because ultimately my only problem with that is that they should've fucking built up to it -- it comes out of so much nowhere). Admiral Janeway shows up.
But the transwarp hub ISN'T the Borg's. Because when you think about it, it breaks the Borg. We see that the hub network can take them ANYWHERE nearly INSTANTLY, including the Dominion AND 1ly away from Earth! It's not consistent with ANYTHING we've seen of how the Borg travel up to this point. Yeah, their ships are fast, but why haven't they used this thing to conquer EVERYTHING so far? Why weren't the Borg fucking up the Jem'Hadar? Why aren't they constantly launching Cubes at Earth?
So, instead, the hub is run by some group of friendly aliens that we befriend, and Admiral Janeway didn't know about when she was Captain Janeway (Voyager scanned the nebula, didn't detect the hub, kept going, but Future Janeway knows because these aliens will have made contact with the Feds in the years since Voyager's return). But! The Borg have discovered the hub! And the crew then decide to fuck about risking Voyager to help the aliens DEFEND the hub from the Borg because otherwise if the Borg get access it risks all the above shit I just said the Borg could do with the hub the episode already gives them. This is then Admiral Janeway's conflict with Captain Janeway about selfishness vs. heroism, because in the episode as it stands it's clear the Hub isn't a big deal (since the Borg haven't used it to fuck everybody) and so Captain Janeway comes off as stupidly reckless (again). Also, in this new scenario, our villains are trying to do something villainous, and we're risking our way home to stop them! As opposed to risking our way home to shit on some people who aren't actually doing anything in the story -- yeah, those people are the Borg, but as it stands the Queen's villainous scheme is "don't get blown up by these guys."
So the moral quandary is that Janeway realizes the hub is too powerful to let stand -- even if we defeat THESE Borg, they will keep coming as long as the hub exists. So we convince the aliens to destroy it to save themselves and the galaxy, and the jeopardy is can we destroy the hub, defeat the Borg, and get through in time to get home?
I think Admiral Janeway can still use the pathogen to kill the Borg by sacrificing herself. I like that bit, because we've been talking about killing the Borg that way since "I, Borg" and it's good to finally do it -- and I like that it straight up takes the Borg out of the equation -- you can argue that after "Endgame" they are dead, which is good because they've been beaten into the ground and no longer useful as villains.
Then we make it home, and because we cut all that faffing about in the future, we can have SOME FUCKING CLOSURE.
And it doesn't have to be a big never-ending Return of the King thing. It can be like a "Wire" style montage of short, simple scenes:
The Doc and Reg hug, see Zimmerman again, who's just fine, thank you.
Kim shows up at his parents' doorstep, wearing LIEUTENANT's pips, hug.
Chakotay and B'Elanna at an official hearing are cleared of all charges, as are all the other Maquis, in light of their service to Voyager.
At another official hearing Janeway is cleared, promoted and given medals.
Seven introduces Chakotay to that aunt, she calls her "Annika" and so does Chakotay.
Tom meets his father. They look at one another. Then, B'Elanna and the newborn emerge from behind Tom, Admiral Paris is overwhelmed with joy. Admiral Paris: "I'm proud of you."
The crew and other Starfleet officials, all in dress uniform, standing in front of the Voyager, landed at the Presidio. They toast the ship and her crew. Then, old Admiral Janeway, same time period we started, looking at a holo-image of that day, happy. The End.
It would take like ten minutes if that, which you would easily get by eliminating the dumb Doc/Tuvok, Doc/Reg, Janeway/Klingons, Janeway/Kim, Kim/Klingons shit in the future period.
***FINAL STATS***
# of Crew: 124 Total -- 106 Starfleet, 12 Maquis, 3 Civilians
# of Shuttles: -5
# of Warp Cores: 1
# of Photon Torpedoes: -71
# of Gel Packs: 30
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 0 lightyears
Opportunities to Get Home Missed: 12
B'Elanna has been pregnant: 239 days

I'm so fucking glad to be done that. Disapointed we didn't lose more crew, but -71 torpedoes is pretty F***IN funny.

Now on to NEMESHIT. Zod, why couldn't there be something GOOD to look forward to at the end of my chronological Trek? Even if I follow Ambassador Spock back in time, I just end up at STINO. Trek is a Hollow Franchise -- ends with a whimper.

Fuck you, Rick Berman. Fuck you.